TOAt 6am the alarm rings, and Daughter 1, Daughter 2 and Daughter 3 rush to compete for the only bathroom. Breakfast is a battle, with the dog picking up crumbs and two little girls fighting. When everyone finally leaves, the mother breathes a sigh of relief. Maybe she will have a morning to herself. What an illusion. After a few minutes the first phone call from the school arrives. Then, the second. What have they done Neurotic, LagnaContinue And Puppy? Start with the funny chronicle of an ordinary morning I didn’t ask you to call me mom (Work and Avagliano editore editions), the book in which Karin Falconi, counselor and founding member of the association M’ aMA-On the children’s sidesays theexperience of a mother who has two teenage sisters in her care, as well as being the biological mother of a little girl.
It starts from the choice of wanting to give a temporary home to those who can no longer stay in their own, and continues alternating life anecdotes and obstacles: a Paleozoic bureaucracy, the inaction of social workers and guardians, the hours on the telephone. And above all the extension of the foster care, which should last two years and instead becomes sine die, without expiration. But despite the unexpected escape of friends and acquaintances, the end of the couple’s intimacy and the swing of love/jealousy of the biological daughter, the new family reaches its balance and is happy.
The number of minors in the community is increasing
Family foster care was established by law 184 of 1983: «The minor who is temporarily deprived of a suitable family environment can be entrusted to another family, possibly with minor children, or to a single person, or to a family-type community, in order to ensure his maintenance, education and education” they say.Anyone can apply as a foster carer: married or cohabiting couples, heterosexual and homosexual, single, without age limits. According to the Ministry of Labor and Social Policies, there were 12,815 minors in foster care in 2020, a constant number over time.
A symbolic image of foster care. Getty Images.
«61 percent of the total remain in foster care for more than the expected two years, 39 for more than four» underlines Paola Ricchiardi, professor of experimental pedagogy at the University of Turin. This is the so-called “sine die”, not covered by the law: it means remaining in the same family until the age of 18, or 21 with the administrative continuation. This generally happens if the conditions for return are not there, the foster family is functioning and the minor does not want to move. Good for kids? «Several studies highlight that prolonged reception can act as a protective factor, together with the timeliness of the intervention, and promote academic success» claims the teacher. But, Karin Falconi counters, «excessive duration distorts the institution, alters relationships and causes the minor to lose the sense of belongingIf the goal is the return, with the sine die the objective is failed.”
On the one hand, therefore, keeping a boy or girl in the same family for a long time allows important emotional and scholastic stability for those who haven’t had any.On the other hand, it also means “a deresponsibility”, Falconi continues. «Of the 190 children and young people we follow as an association, all complex cases, none have returned to their family of origin, which was not followed sufficiently». Foster care, let us remember, is not an adoption, but an important support in a certain phase of life. You do not become “parents of”, and for important decisions – a sacrament, a vaccine – the biological ones, if entitled, will sign.
Forty years after a just and courageous law, perhaps we should take stock. Families have changed, and so have children. It would be necessary to relaunch, because there is an ever-increasing need for foster parents. «One fact makes us reflect: while the number of minors in foster care is constant, the number of minors in the community has increased, which today is slightly higher” underlines Professor Ricchiardi. “And it is serious, because all the studies show that, if a child cannot live in his own family, he is better off in another rather than in one structure. Today there is less sensitivity regarding hospitality and The Bibbiano case has left tremendous consequences».
Just to remember: in 2019 the Angels and Demons investigation into alleged illicit foster care in the province of Reggio Emilia caused a political and media uproar. At the center of the suspicions was psychotherapist Claudio Foti who, however, a few months ago, was acquitted on appeal.
«It is not true, as has been said in the wake of Bibbiano, that the State must not enter into a family. On the contrary, its task is to protect the most vulnerable» is the opinion of Lamberto Bertolé, Councilor for Welfare of the Municipality of Milan, who organized a three-day event to promote the service. “And I remember that Italy is one of the European countries with the lowest number of minors outside the family.” In Milan in the first half of 2023 there were 304 ongoing assignments, of which 40 were new. More than half last less than three years. Each family receives a contribution of 480 euros. The point is not so much to increase demand but, according to the councillor, to inform and train. «Foster care is a path that creates a profound change in a family and must be undertaken with awareness».
Foster care: more timely interventions are needed
In Milan the service is well established and has been running successfully for 40 years. The aspiring families participate in some meetings first with the social services, then with the matched boy or girl. It is the Municipality that has custody from the Court, the family has the delegation. Floriana and Andrea, who have a teenage daughter, welcomed a six-year-old girl, Chiara, in 2020. «The mother is not there and the father, who she sees every 15-20 days, cannot cope alone» says Floriana. «From the beginning Chiara called us mum and dad. Social services suggested we avoid it, but it was she who decided. She doesn’t make any confusion, she knows she has two dads.”
The foster care recently became permanent: «Right, he will stay with us until he is 18, then he will decide where to go. As well as Giorgia, our biological daughter. At home they will both always find the door open.” Floriana says that the choice was also born from a personal experience: «I lived with my grandmother and I believe that in some cases leaving the family context is useful for growth. With foster care you think about the here and now, not the after. It’s giving without expecting anything in return, even if this little girl gives us a lot every day.”
Chiara was lucky: she found a second welcoming family at an early age, she is building a relationship with her biological father, she is well looked after by the services. This isn’t always the case. Among today’s problems is the age of reception, “which sees a prevalence of adolescents and pre-adolescents: 30 percent are 11-14 years old, 28 percent are between 15 and 17” says Professor Ricchiardi. «With late foster care, the difficulties – behavioral and scholastic – increase. We should intervene promptly, do prevention or otherwise arrive at consensual foster care, i.e. shared with the biological families. The later you decide, the worse it is.”
The emergency of unaccompanied foreign minors
Added to these critical issues is another: thearrival of unaccompanied foreign minors (MSNA). In Milan there are 1300 of them under the care of the Municipality. The fosters? Insignificant, 35. Bertolé anticipates something new: «An agreement with the consulates of the countries from which the majority of them arrive – Egypt, Albania, Tunisia, Bangladesh – for homocultural foster care, that is, within the communities of origin.” We hope it works, also because, as Matteo Zappa, head of the Minors Area of Caritas Ambrosiana, says, “the trend of arrivals is growing strongly, and reception should be diversified”.
The Msna are male, they are generally 16-17 years old, foster care «can be a bridge to autonomy, completing their school career, entering work“Caritas Ambrosiana has managed 16 in 5 years, now 6 are active. “Of the 16, some have become independent and have their own home. Welcoming a child from another culture requires a great effort; for this reason, with the Municipality of Milan, a careful selection is made. Not everyone is suitable to join a family. We know that these fosters are a drop in the bucket, but they can have an important symbolic value”. © ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
«Naser’s foster care is a gamble, we took the plunge»
Giusi and Marco, Milanese lawyers, took an unaccompanied foreign minor, now an adult, into foster care in 2020
«Naser began his journey from Bangladesh at 16, alone. He left to help his family. After a year and a half he arrived in Italy, and in Milan the police sent him to a community. He arrived with us as an adult in August 2022: thanks to the administrative continuation he will be able to stay until he is 21. My partner and I are lawyers, without children. We felt the need to do something for kids fleeing war or poverty. After seeing a special on the Balkan route on TV, we signed up for a Caritas Ambrosiana course for aspiring foster carers. They told us to prepare for a boy around 16-17 years old, so when they proposed Naser to us we thought: he’s already grown up and will only be with us for a short time, it’s difficult to build a path. But it was a moment: we accepted without reservations.
Naser doesn’t speak much, when he arrived he already had a work grant at an Italian restaurant, now he has an apprenticeship contract as an assistant chef. Let’s hope they hire him because he deserves it, he is a hard worker. Today I can say that the commitment is great, as is the enthusiasm. We must always question ourselves, not take anything for granted. I thought Naser liked Italian cuisine, and in the early days I got busy. Then I realized that for him home means preparing the specialties of his country. It is more difficult to make him understand that we can help him with the integration; for example, we couldn’t convince him of the usefulness of writing a CV. Naser and others like him are adults without ever having been children. Fostering foreign minors is a gamble. We have to dive in, and we dive in.” © ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
«We are Dad 1 and Dad 2»
Andrea and Marcello, from Veneto, have had Silvia at home for 4 years. It wasn’t easy at first. Because no one helped them
«We had already had a girl almost of age in foster care for six months. They contacted us again for Silvia, 11 years old, who came from years of tossing between communities and temporary families. Her parents could not, and still cannot, look after her. She almost never went to primary school and they didn’t tell us, she had serious gaps and at the beginning she didn’t trust herself. She was really tough. Here in Veneto, it is not the Municipality that is responsible for foster care but the Local Health Authority, which however has not given us any help. We were left alone, with a little girl with a complicated background.
Fortunately we managed to do a great job with the school and the situation has improved a lot. The fact that we were a male couple never mattered, neither to her, nor to her classmates and other families. Today Silvia meets her parents every month and a half. In court you asked to stay with us, and now we have indefinite custody. She calls us by our names, but in an English test she called us Dad 1 and Dad 2. What’s missing? Support. And a check on family homes, where the operators are constantly changing and do not have the same attention as a parent, even if a foster one.” © ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
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