CAra Ester,
Well yes, they are one of those (now in extinction) who married the first love of the 20 years.
I have always recognized myself a sort of romantic fundamentalism: Either the Prince Charming or remain waiting, for less it is not worth it. Light slide alongside the easel suitors, at 19 years old I know P. and I feel that it is very close to everything I was waiting for. We fall in love and live, I would say happy, our story without, year after year, I ever have the temptation or the opportunity to think that it exists better or to look for it. It is he who I want. Now, exceeded 40, we are married, we have three children, a social network and committed and valid professions as well as disillusionment compatible with a story that has lasted for 25 years. But all in all, swallowed some toad and accepted that none of us are perfect, we live in color.
Eternal relationships, romantic fundamentalism and unexpected
Until … I feel very trivial, Two years ago a much younger colleague arrives on my way than meA., who in a way, even inexplicable for me, decides to want me and to obtain it begins a tight courtship based on all those dreams, fairy tales, poems and passion whose memory was more than dating back to prehistory. The unfortunate (me) replied and I do it short. After 11 months I found myself with pieces of the heart in the hands of understanding that free evil exists and fairy tales instead not. After a life of true ties, good experiences, of authenticity, I find myself more than 40 years old to experience the Sarrator, the fish of fish, the “I want you but I don’t want you”. In short, of what, as he teaches, he had to happen to 20 years but I At 20 I experienced true love, which he wants and chooses you.
Back to the fold I miss the adrenaline
Fortunately, the readiness to move away, albeit with pain, at the first signs of ambiguity and devaluation, did not defect.
Now, where is the problem?
The problem is that Although I return to my life and my family with fullness (to be honest, never had the doubt of leaving it or having to choose) I can’t take away those memories, those sensations, the adrenaline, that being “Cinderella on the dance for one night” … which for obvious reasons do not do properly a stable part of everyday life. Alternating with the painful feeling of “not having been enough” for A., of having been “used and thrown”, of having “wrong something for which she did not want to” … who knows if it is the fault of being at this age without antibodies ? Ingenua and without experience in this regard? Or with the doubt that perhaps to have fun more as a young man maybe now I did not even doubt.
Half relationships
Touching back to the balance of before and I ask myself: will it pass this shadow that every now and then makes me tell that I would like both? That I would like my husband but with a few days or pieces borrowed from there, by A.? That as soon as the adolescent transgression is discovered, do I already have to give up? I feel crazy sometimes.
Thank you dear Ester
S.
Ester Viola’s answer
Dear S.,
The motion is always that of Call him love after twenty years together. Before and during, you don’t know anything. You have no idea. They are experiments, intervals, whims.
There couple is an undeciphered object. Without stability it does not survive, with too much stability it survives but barelythen an air blow is enough and everything falls.
That nostalgia for 20 -year relations
You’re right about succession.
Twenty years.
The decade of the strong back and nerves that challenge all adversities. You like everything, also suffer, especially to suffer. Love or breaks you, or nothing. And then messages that do not arrive, cry, silence with the teeth, the months after the vinegar of nostalgia, the attempts, the sto-con-con other-e-peno-a-te, the anxiety and the regret they make you Consuming like a toothpick, you lose weight, do not sleep, then suddenly a “how are you” in the WhatsApp chat that had arrived in very well and is now first in first place, you want you again! Triumph and fulfillment of the spirit, happiness, metaphorically lights up the room after months that you do not feel.
Here is what you would have lost for ten years.
At 30, things change, but …
Thirty years.
You haven’t understood much yet, self -destructive instincts seem to you remain the same, always make the same mistakes. The difference is that you notice it, you make them without impetus. Knowing that you are about to beat. In short, the pieces – after two or three always identical rips – come back a little in place alone. But then – the love (you) is said – to feel bad would it be just to lose? Exact. A final utility does not exist, because even at the best of the hypotheses, that the bastard decides to read you, being paid is the beginning of the collapse, the spring inside the toy breaks. After the tension, everything ends. Without the missing parts, those unfortunate loves do not keep the enamel.
An exotic object suddenly proves to be suddenly: the calendar. But really have I lost all this time below one?
So love takes a new course. A balanced course. But even in this case it is not said that a blood of fish does not happen, a sarrator, or the name you prefer to give to one who passes by chance and that seems the great eliminator of boredom. These are these, not others. Neither special beings nor unmissable specimens in perfect combination to me, just to me.
At 40 we ask ourselves “those” questions
Forty years.
Here the couple should have become an objective structure not anxious or painful (sofa and dishwasher). In this case you will ask yourself – because we have the propensity to ask us for things even the farthest: Is it love the same without that part that guaranteed me relationships without a future? Yes.
Of course, one can also decide to pass life immolating up to the new beginnings, making the in love Sine Die, but it would be only an impossible to ruin life: imagine having to spend time always improve the dosages of self -procured adrenaline. It looks like hell, but everyone takes hell he prefers.
How many loves
The truth (which one often discovers when he dies, wrote Céline) is that incredible loves can also be two or three at the same time. But only one is not renounceable. Freud says that men have Always traded a little happiness for a little safety. The other version is that after a few years you have learned better than substance every happiness is made, and happiness you choose them better. The heart learns, and gets commanded.
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