CAra Ester,
I’ve been reading your column on I am a woman and here I am writing to you and tell you about my defective story. I have had one for 4 years story I thought was of love with a married man For almost 10 years, 2 girls, one 7, the other of 4.
We met in the workplace through a common friend. I immediately liked his security, his charisma. I then admired the fact that in addition to having established themselves professionally, what was the family of Mulino Bianco in my eyes. Personally I sacrificed the private individual for the profession and to date I perhaps find myself collecting the shards in both fields.
Returning to the story, once he invited me for lunch. I didn’t see anything wrong with it and I went, then from that lunch we started to feel more and more often and a super intense relationship began from every point of view. The first 2 years I didn’t even realize that I am a lover. He super present, surprised me on surprises etc. etc. Then like all the relationships “Love is dismantled”. She must have understood something. It has become impossible to spend evenings together, dinners.
I never asked him anything, because I always thought that the choice of a possible separation should come to him and not from my request, then especially if there are children in the middle. At the beginning he always told me that I was aware of the situation and that therefore he could not make me promised of any kind, then instead he started a tell me he was thinking about separation. I trusted what I felt and hoped, it was also true for his part, and I went on despite everything to this summer. Finally he managed to carve out a few days to spend together, one of our mini vacation, passed off as a trip to work. She spends most of the summer until September from her daughters. All fantastic until the call of the mother -in -law arrives, she had a panic attack. He should have joined her a few days later, she began to ask to anticipate the return. Needless to tell you that the return has been anticipated.
He began to say that the time of our love would come, to still trust him etc. I told him that if he could not keep the point on a trip to work, as I could believe that he could have had the courage to separate. I then took the month of August to reflect. I didn’t respond to emails, phone calls, WhatsApp messages etc. At the end of August I have a delay. I do the test I am pregnant. Ester for me was truly a miracle and a gift from heaven. They always told me that It was impossible for me to conceive And for me it was even more because his son. Back from the holidays, he calls me and I reply that we have to speak.
I was so afraid of his reaction. I thought he would tell me it was a problem, that he didn’t know what you do. Instead sHe excites me, he tells me that a child is always a joy. You can imagine me, I touched the sky with a finger, while knowing that I had one pregnancy at risk given the age and many other factors. I wanted to clarify that a child is not a commodity of exchange and that I gave him all the time to evaluate what to do. No obligation.
I had underestimated that the wife and daughters were still outside and that therefore the real reaction should come out only later.
We spend 10 days when he is often with me, it goes shopping, worries. As long as the day of an important control arrives, luck my sister had reached me to be there, because he was out for work and then he would have reunited with his family for the great return. We feel in the morning all loving as always, he tells me to let him know by email as soon as I knew the outcome of the visit. Then there would have been the cut to communications because it would have been traveling with the family. The visit was at 17.30. Not a message, not a phone call, nothing of nothing. At 7pm, pass an email with 4 question marks, to which I limited myself to responding that the situation was delicate and that I had further check the following Monday. No answer. He calls me at 7.30 in the next morning without a “I’m sorry if I didn’t let myself be alive, sorry if I was not present”, none of this but one – tell me a little then with the doctor’s words – I replied that I had already said everything in the email, then he greeted me and disappeared. Literally disappeared. I alone with a pregnancy at risk without a word.
On Monday he accompanied me a dear friend of mine to the visit and I discovered the bitter truth, internal abortion deemed. My baby was gone. He doesn’t even a message, a phone call to get news. After a couple of hours of tears I wrote to him that I freed him from every sense of responsibility and guilt, he was no longer the bean and that given his behavior of the past few days we were no longer there either. He replied textual words: – hello we talk about it tomorrow – I replied there was nothing more to talk about, which had widely shown how much he cared to me.
From there nothing.
How blind could I have been? How does one who tells me I love you until the week before won’t ask me even how I’m after losing our son? He will have been to toast to Champagne for the liberation.
Now I just want to think about me. I have to get back physically and emotionally.
I know you will unhinge me, but that it will be for my good and somehow I will start to love me again.
A hug
Ester Viola’s answer
Dear A.,
A question that passes in silence between philosophers and moralists and also among the writers is: to what extent can you push the very human ability to pay off, indeed incurable, indeed, of the sufferings that are inflicted on the way to our comfortable? It is a big question, and without significant solutions. It is known that someone touches a little ethics, at birth, to others less, did not line up when they distributed it. Still others should be straight, contemptuous, greedy. Nothing of the rubble does not matter to him, but because they are sure that they will then find the way to remedy, to get back on the par, to obtain forgiveness, amnesties, various forgetting indeed amnesia in the victims, to redo it then if you need next time.
Unfortunately, there is a talent of their own cocks with wild exploitation of your next ones who make sure as art, they are very precise, infallible, I am sometimes amazed.
A decisive and collective reaction has not yet been found in society, an anti-instrumental method, or how we want to call it. Indeed, I add, with a disheartened note, it is these corsairs that extort to life incredible advantages. Look. The one had free, kind, helpful, generous and meek there.
We have already visited these lands: the good person, if he wants to do it, does not always have to be too good person? Possibly a little less?
So we are always here, I repeat myself with theEnnio (Flaiano):
Indulgence for people who behave badly. Who does not arouse sympathy or compassion
It is the middle man, honest and without great inclinations to evil. The man who works to pull
Next, which puts on the family and keeps it. The average man is unpleasant. (I am
unfriendly. You can stand me). To become nice, you have to behave as a rogue, for
Let yourself be loved to be maintained. It is the erotic misunderstanding that continues. The pity towards the
Sex replaces feelings. The wicked gives those sexual guarantees that the person for
Well it doesn’t give. Actions against moral and society are symptoms of vigor and ease
sexual in those who perform them. Temperament! Those who behave righteously admits their
“Ordinary” sexual activity and does not care.
So is it true that in life the worst triumphs, or not completely better? Why if I act as a respectable human being, if I am a good full person, I will not be (sentimentally) appreciated? Do I always have to give the other side the calculated frost, to feel good? Already. Everything in life is explained in this way. As you say. Who succeed well the Grifagni, the traffickers. Also minimum fee of character. I have been engaged in the reversal of this sentence for years, I don’t remember in what book I read it: “Being bad is difficult, but pay” With philosophies and studies of excellent and luminaries, but nothing works. The wicked (large or small doses) are there, perverse and triumphant. Fortunately, life comes to meet us. I don’t know any of these subjects who did not catch his poisonous mushroom. Certain solemn venders come that seem organized by a sovereign churchill to unhappy loves. The monster forever unpunished is a rare species, on the contrary it does not exist in nature. Just as every clerics hunts the nails, sooner or later.