A world that wasn’t made for boys like him. This is how writer and journalist Pim Blom saw the corporate sector in his years as a strategy consultant and, later, data analyst. It started with his first application procedure for a large consultancy firm. As part of this, Blom joined a group of competitors business course. When he then texted three others who had their job interview on the same day, the two boys who had received positive news turned out to be heterosexual. And the boy who was rejected just like him, also like him, gay.
“Later I discovered that another gay participant had made it through. So I know that was not why we were rejected. But that thought did occur to me,” says Blom. “I thought: I enjoyed that business trip and the idea that it was all possible for me. But ultimately they don’t choose people like me here.”
That feeling was the basis for Blom’s book Through the rainbow ceilingwhich was published last October – on International Coming Out Day. Blom talked to fifteen LGBTI+ people who have achieved a leadership position. Because they certainly exist, but they form an absolute minority. 18 percent of Dutch people identify themselves according to CBS as LGBTI+, but at the top of the business community that share is estimated to be less than 1 percent. Why is that, Blom wanted to know. And: did these LGBTI+ leaders face the same obstacles as he did?
I thought: they don’t choose people like me here
Blom has never been actively excluded or discriminated against, yet those obstacles do exist – not just in his own head. A research by Randstad Among LGBTI+ employees in seven countries, last year found that 41 percent of them had experienced discriminatory comments or prejudice during their careers. Just under half felt comfortable discussing their sexuality or gender identity at work. Figures from the British LGBTI+ rights organization Stonewall also showed this this year more than half of queer employees have experienced hurtful comments and exclusion. Almost a third feel that they cannot be themselves at work.
“I ask Jojanneke van der Toorn, professor in the field of LGBTI+ inclusion at work, in my book: isn’t it just me? Am I not imposing that rainbow ceiling on myself?” says Blom. “She immediately nipped that in the bud. ‘No, Pim,’ she said, ‘this is because of the prejudices and stigmatization in society that you and other LGBTI+ people unconsciously adopt.’”
Heteroprofessionalism
There is a term for the social relations in society that continue into the office: heteroprofessionalism. Many of the unwritten rules on the matter unconsciously assume a heterosexual, cisgender norm. This ranges from appearances – in a man with an earring or nail polish, for example – to discussing types of relationships. Blom: “When I drop something about my husband in passing, it can be seen as a coming out or as a statement. People can also have a judgment about it. If I had told them about my wife, that would by definition not have been a problem.”
Remco Boxelaar also recognizes this heteronormativity from his own career. Boxelaar is the founder of Corporate Queer, a Dutch knowledge platform that is committed “to an office climate where conforming to the norm is not a condition for business success.” Boxelaar has been giving training and lectures in this area for seven years. Just like with Blom’s book, the idea for his company arose from his own experience. “This summer someone asked me: ‘Wow, how nice your work is. How did you come up with that?’ Well, I was bullied a lot, I replied. That’s why I started this.”
When Boxelaar started his working life at the age of 23, he immediately noticed that the corporate world and his burgeoning self-expression were mutually exclusive. “I noticed that the smallest things raised questions. From more jewelry than you usually see on men to letting my hair grow longer. ‘I think short hair looks better on you,’ a colleague once said. Do you really think that, I wondered, or do you subconsciously prefer it if I dress more in accordance with my gender?”
Someone recently asked me: ‘Wow, how nice your work is. How did you come up with that?’ Well, I was bullied a lot
Boxelaar just wants to say: people sometimes notice things that they themselves think do not warrant any judgement. But that judgment is there, and it can hit the person on the other side of the conversation hard. Even with well-intentioned comments. “Another colleague once said: ‘It really shouldn’t matter if you carry a lady’s bag.’ But you unintentionally emphasize that this bag is apparently not for men. That it’s strange, different. And that it does matter now.”
A common misunderstanding among participants in his training is that it concerns business etiquette. “Then I hear: you don’t go to work in sweatpants, do you? That is significantly different. This is about safety: can I walk across the street like this, can I go to work wearing this without getting comments from colleagues?”
Less assertive
When he set up Corporate Queer, Boxelaar started talking to many other LGBTI+ professionals. “Then I heard from men that they painted their nails on Friday evening and took them off again on Sunday evening. Corporate during the week, queer on the weekend. I want those two things to be united.”
For employees and for employers. Since 2023, Boxelaar has focused a leadership program specifically on LGBTI+ people in a management position: how much of myself do I show, what I can and cannot do? “That differs per person and, moreover, every working environment requires something different. That is why I bring together fifteen to twenty people with as many different experiences as possible – and from as many different letters as possible within the LGBTI+ community – per edition. They immediately go into depth on the first of three training days, but feel safe to do so because they are among equals. They have never experienced this in the same way in the workplace.”
With potential consequences. “I normally have a strong opinion and don’t mince my words,” says Pim Blom, “but at the office I was able to keep my opinions to myself and keep my opinions to myself.” While assertiveness at work is usually appreciated. When people keep their opinions and ideas to themselves, a lot can be missed in terms of originality and creativity. Not to mention the lack of productivity among people who are not feeling well. “That is why I think that queer leaders should speak out about their sexuality or gender identity. This is the only way other LGBTI+ people can see: that top position is also achievable for me.”
Blom immediately emphasizes: as far as he is concerned, there are exceptions. “Should a transgender person who has felt like a woman all her life say that she has been in transition? Should a bisexual man who is married to a woman say that he also likes men? Look, I think it can mean a lot to others. So I would encourage it. But always in a way and at a time when the person feels comfortable.”
Even if the share of openly queer people in company management were in proportion to that in society – namely 18 percent – they would still be a minority, Blom acknowledges. That will not change, but many more people can recognize themselves in that top layer. “Whether you are the only one in a room of a hundred people who is not straight or cisgender, or whether there are seventeen others, that makes a big difference.”
Lindsay Mossink, editor-in-chief Nu.nl‘I have benefited greatly from strong female managers’
“I never thought that you would become editor-in-chief, a colleague who has known me for a long time once said to me. And I completely understand that. In my first years at NU.nl I hardly opened my mouth. As a teenager I hid who I am, and after I came out of the closet at the age of 21, my process of self-discovery only began. That was not long before I came to work here.
“In journalism you are expected to come up with ideas in meetings, so my reclusiveness also hindered me on a business level. Nowadays I am very open. I don’t have to make an effort to be myself. I have also benefited from a number of strong female managers, including my former boss who, like me, turned out to be attracted to women.
“I now know: at the start of your career you need people who will pull you out of your shell. I try to be that person for others. As editor-in-chief of a news site, I am sometimes confronted with issues that affect me personally, anti-gay violence for example. I can really worry about that. I think it is important that we as a platform pay attention to this. Nu.nl is explicitly for a free society: we do not have to be neutral in that area.”
Erica Schaper, chairman of the board of directors of Frisius MC‘I think it is important that colleagues develop a sensitivity to what they say’
“I am not an activist and you won’t encounter me at Pride. But I am consciously open about my sexual orientation. Firstly, because it is who I am: I live with a woman, and for me that is the most normal thing in the world. Secondly, because I want all the people I work with to feel appreciated for who they are.
“I have been working at Frisius MC since this year, before which I worked in higher education for a long time. In schools and in healthcare, inclusion is not only important for employees, but also for students and patients. I think it is important that colleagues develop a sensitivity to what they say and how it comes across to others. When we as employees are better attuned to different people with different needs and ways of life, this produces better care. Moreover, we are a nicer employer.
“In my office in the hospital there is a huge rainbow penguin that I once received. When someone comes in for the first time, there is always a conversation about it. On my first day I walked to my office with that penguin under my arm. That visibility and the resulting conversations with people outside your own bubble are necessary, I think. I used to live next to people who voted SGP. They have become good friends. I prefer to search common ground then differ.”
Sander van ‘t Noordende, top executive of Randstad‘By being visible, conservative colleagues may start to look at LGBTI+ people differently’
“At the end of 1987, I had been working for less than a month when I had my first company party. I decided to bring my then boyfriend. I hesitated for a moment, but I decided: let’s just go, then it’s a done deal. I didn’t receive any comments about it, and neither did I later. However, I once heard someone say, long before I was legally allowed to marry my partner: ‘If you are not married, you will not become a manager in this company.’
“I don’t care about it, I thought. Not much later I became a manager. You shouldn’t get distracted too much. I think it’s good as an LGBTI+ person to ‘stretch’ yourself a little more every time: take step by step, see what happens. That takes energy, but staying in the closet takes even more energy.
“Plus: by being visible, conservative colleagues may start to look at LGBT+ people differently. Although I don’t want to claim that I have all the wisdom. It worked like this for me, it might have been different if I wasn’t white or cisgender. That’s why, as CEO, I think it’s important that everyone enjoys coming to the office. And that we attract people from all groups. That’s good for every company. If you don’t search in certain groups, you miss all the expertise that can be found there. is to find.”
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