In addition to euphoria, panic must also have broken out in many places when the news of an agreement between Israel and Hamas became known. When I think of panic, I don’t just think of my cat, who, to her indignation bordering on bewilderment, discovered that I had completely forgotten her breakfast while I was watching extra broadcasts of the NOS Journaal on Thursday morning.
No, I’m mainly thinking of the five-member committee that will award the Nobel Peace Prize again this week. I can already hear the chairman in Oslo calling the shocked members. The chairman, clearly affected: “The bastard. [Drittsekk in het Noors] . We can’t ignore him anymore. He has coordinated the agreement so well in terms of date with the awarding of our prize that we can no longer go in any other direction.” Another member agreed: “Every other name is now being ridiculed.”
The chairman: “Yes, we can no longer do it to other candidates to award them. They will even refuse.” Yet another member: “But Trump could have stopped the genocide much earlier, he kept Netanyahu’s hand over his head for too long.” The chairman: “All at your service, but the joy is now so great that everything will be forgiven.”
The oldest member says consolingly: “Let’s put it into perspective. He is of course not the first criminal to receive this prize. What do you think of Henry Kissinger, who received the prize in 1973 even though he was responsible for the bombing of Cambodia in 1969 and 1970 in which 800,000 civilians were killed.” Another member: “Even Yasser Arafat got it in 1994, a leader who had committed large-scale terrorism with his PLO.”
“This way we can keep going,” says the youngest member cheerfully. “There will always be criticism of our price, that is part of our work. Let’s toast it! Everyone is now talking about our price again, that is also worth something.”
“Anyway, we must continue, there is no point in giving up,” the chairman concludes. “The Nobel Peace Prize must always survive, even if the world perishes in blood, sweat and tears.”
“God bless Trump!” the youngest member shouts.
I expect and hope so too, God has granted more questionable blessings.
The pressing question is: should we respectfully congratulate Trump if he receives the prize he so covets? I think so, in fact, I’ve already done it. From his secret number, which I was able to obtain quite easily through Mark Rutte, Trump called to me in that typical aggrieved tone: “Do you know that this is the most important moment in the history of humanity – and will remain so forever! Never before has a president of America achieved so much in so little time. Never before has a president dared to change so much at home and abroad. No successor will be able to surpass that. I deserve not only now the Nobel Peace Prize, I deserve all future Nobel Peace Prizes at the same time!”
“I’ll pass it on,” I said timidly.
“You will never get rid of me again! Never!”, he shouted after me as he finished, without greeting.
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