During this Spring Fever week, schools pay attention to resilience, relationships and sexuality. Chloé Hoogeveen (26) from Hoogeveen is very happy with this. As a child, she was sexually abused by her uncle. She writes booklets to teach children what healthy sexual relationships are. “I want children to be given tools that are appropriate for their age, so that they know what is and what is not okay.”
One of her books is called ‘Tara says stop’. Another book Hoogeveen is working on is about Mia the fish. “The book is actually very similar to my own story,” she says. “Mia has a big fish that she does a lot with, plays and swims with. She is very spoiled by him. She likes that. But he also keeps taking a scale away from her. She doesn’t like that. She wears it as carries a secret.”
From the age of four to ten, Hoogeveen experienced much the same thing with her uncle. “I was fingered by him, and that happened while playing. As a child, it is very difficult to recognize whether this is appropriate. Especially because an adult is involved. Because he knows what is and is not allowed, right? “
The abuse stopped when she was ten years old. She doesn’t know exactly why. But the fact is that from those years she began to suspect that something was wrong in her youth. At thirteen, she decided to tell her mother. “That was very complicated, because I didn’t know what would happen if I told them. So I was in conflict for a long time. But my mother took care of me very well. She believed me immediately. And together with my father, she help started.”
Hoogeveen and her parents reported the sexual abuse. But because her uncle denies the abuse and there is no evidence, he was not prosecuted. It has had a huge aftermath. “It has had a lot of influence on me, but also on my family. Everyone has been affected by it in some way,” says Hoogeveen.
As a child, she received EMDR therapy, a form of therapy used to process trauma. But actually throughout her life she has had difficulty setting boundaries. If the abuses at The Voice come to light, it will be another trigger for Hoogeveen. She seeks help again, and she still has that help now.
“Things were really bad at The Voice victim blaming done. That feeling of guilt about sexual abuse came to the surface again. And the feeling of shame. Wondering whether you actually had a part in it.”
Her booklets are not yet used as standard in education, but she hopes to achieve that. She is still looking for help to realize this. “You have to deal with sexuality your whole life. You are born with it and you die with it. It is important that appropriate information is available at every age and that this is repeated.”