“Everyone said: Bianca, you could have been this.” The ex-boyfriend of Bianca is currently stuck on suspicion of manslaughter. He abused his new girlfriend so much that she died of the consequences of domestic violence. “I live with her family, because she can’t retell it …”
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Bianca (32) recently received a phone call from her mother. “I was at work when my mother asked if I had nice colleagues around me. She had read on the news that a woman had been killed and she immediately thought that my ex-partner would have to do with it.” That turned out to be correct. “I completely panicked. I have been shaking for a week.”
Bianca had a relationship with a man she had known from the village for four years. “In retrospect, I could have known in the first three months that it could go wrong. He lied, blamed others and never looked at himself. And he had no empathetic capacity.” Something Bianca did. “He always pretended to have problems and I had to help him. I completely removed myself for him.”
After two years, the two bought a house. “After the move, he stayed away for nights and said that was my fault. I never awarded him anything.” Later Bianca discovered that her ex was cheating. “Every time I started about that, he became super aggressive. Everything was always up to me. He sucked me completely.”
“He regularly closed my throat and I had a heavy concussion.”
The last six months of her relationship it went wrong more and more. “He regularly closed my throat. I couldn’t go to work for a week because my face was once as thick and swollen.”
“He even hit me once so hard in my face that he broke his own finger. The following days he complained about the pain, while I was in bed with a heavy concussion …”
Bianca even woke up unconscious on the floor of the living room. “I didn’t know why. That same evening he told me proudly high kick We succeeded so well, “she says full disgust.” I thought it was my very last day several times. That it was ready. “
Bianca was ashamed of everything that happened at home and therefore did not tell her family and friends. “I lied to my parents for a long time, while they are always ready for me day and night.” Until it got out of hand that she had no choice but telling it. “I had to tell a friend because I had to go to the Emergency Department for my injuries. I knew I needed more help, so I also went to the doctor afterwards.”
Why did she not leave before? “We had a house for sale together. I felt at home there. We had a dog to take care of and I thought: I can’t be put out of my own house by this madman.”
She never made a report against her ex. “I just wanted it to be over, so that we could both continue with our lives. And he confused me so that I also thought that a part was on me. Actually, I still took him protection,” she realizes now.
“I just think it’s terrible that someone else now … It doesn’t feel fair for me that someone who knew nothing about his past is no longer there,” she sighs in tears. Although Bianca did not report a report, she says she has spoken with the police in the investigation into the death of her ex’s new girlfriend.
“I want to talk to the future perpetrators and victims.”
“They say that a woman in the Netherlands is killed once every eight days. But if I look the news like this, however, get the impression that this is just every day. It seems to be normal. I think it is super good that so many people are taking the street. But what do we do at the front?!”
Bianca believes that the government and schools should pay more attention to partner violence. “Lectures are already being given at schools about gaming, addictions or crime, for example. But why is partner violence not discussed?”
That is why Bianca has made a website And she wants to share her story in schools. “I want to talk to young people, the future perpetrators and victims. Partner violence really occurs in every culture and at any age.” She wants to break open the conversation. “I am very curious if they have a relationship themselves. And also whether they have friends who, for example, want to know their location, lie against them and twist things. I feel that I have experienced this for a reason.”
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At the request of Bianca and out of respect for the relatives of the victim, we do not mention in the article which femicide business is here.