SortCan I talk about betrayal? Depends. For Couples monogamous is in fact still a “sore button”a real taboo, not only to live it and suffer it but also just talk about it. The situation in the Open couples. The reason? Dialoguequite different in this type of relationship compared to the exclusive ones.
Betrayal, the diversity between monogamous couple and open
Even if today the relationships have made great steps compared to the past, on a topic it has remained “ancient”: the betrayal. It is practiced, it is useless to go around it, but it is not said or talked about it, especially within the couple. With an exception: if it is “open”. Monogamous and open couples in fact deal with betrayal in a different way: «In Couples monogamous, betrayal is often experienced as something that goes far beyond the simple breakdown of a pact: it is a wound for emotional bond and confidence built over time.
On an emotional level, a profound meaning of exclusion can emerge, of no longer being desired or worthy of love. Even when trying to rationally understand what happened, emotional reactions often remain intense and difficult to contain. In conclusion, The betrayal questioned the basis itself on which our feeling is feeling safe in the relationship»Explains the dr. Mauro Vargiu, sexologist, psychologist and psychotherapist.
«The situation in the Open couples where dialogue and honesty are the central elements of the relationship. These relationships can present complex emotional dynamics, and that is why clear, constant and non -judging communication can be useful. It is not uncommon for the needs to change over time, and in this sense it becomes important to create opportunities for comparison To check if the needs of both people involved are still compatible with the established agreements. The lack of dialogue can make it more difficult to interpret the signs of malaise or emotional distance, even in the absence of explicit transgressions “.
Betrayal from a neurobiological point of view
Differences that exist but that are united from a neurobiological point of view: in fact, in case of treason, the brain reacts as when it has to do with mourning or abandonment. That is, the neuron circuits associated with social pain and threat are activated.
“Among the areas involved are the amygdala, responsible for the elaboration of emotions and perception of danger, and the anterior tracked cortex, which plays a crucial role in the elaboration of social pain and emotional suffering. Those who live this experience can be in a state of emotional ambivalence, oscillating between the need to understand the incident and the need to protect itself from further suffering.
The betrayal, in fact, does not affect only the relationship, but can also influence the perception of self, the other and the possibility of relying again. In some people a reduction in self -esteem, greater distrust or reorganization of their internal attachment model can emerge ». Because of this The dialogue, foundation of open couples, helps to clarify the situation, to unravel any repressed doubts and difficulties.
How to manage it?
Therefore it goes without saying that Betrayal becomes a little more a matter of monogame couples which, if it happens, are more difficult to “manage”. “We must first say that There is no “right” or a “wrong” in the way of reacting. From a clinical point of view, it can be useful to distinguish between what happened and the meaning that everyone attributes to that experience. It is understandable to feel confusion, anger or sadness, but before making important decisions it can be used, observing one’s emotions and, if possible, open a space for confrontation with the other person. Ask, for example: what was the time we were going through? Was it an isolated event or part of a wider difficulty? In some cases, Betrayal can become an opportunity to question the relationship; in others, it can mark a point of no return. But in both cases, taking care of one’s emotional stability is a fundamental step »explains the expert.
As has often been noticed, in studies and also in everyday life, to have a good emotional regulation, perhaps also thanks to clinical support, is essential to avoid acting impulse. Understanding the situation, and therefore slowing down in your reactions, allows you to realize what you wantto create the right conditions for a comparison and to clarify, so as to also make the right decision. «Obviously, however, each person has a different threshold of tolerance to relational pain, and also different times of processing. Because of this The goal is not to react in the “correct” way, but to get to choices that are consistent with one’s values and needs».
Anger, humiliation, jealousy: how to manage emotional background
All these emotions cannot be ignored but not forcedalso because on a biological level they highlight a breakage and a threat to when before we felt safe. The problem is when they become too intense or last too long.
“In these cases, rather than fighting them, It may be useful to observe them with an open attitude, trying to understand what they are trying to communicate. Talking to someone of confidence, keeping a diary or confronting a professional can help put order in thoughts and lighten the emotional load. It must be said that Operson person has his own way to develop experiences of emotional breakage, and there is no only effective path. Some find benefit in staying active, others feel the need to retire for a while. It is not so much the type of reaction that makes the difference, as the way in which it integrates it into one’s own experience. Listening to one’s emotions can become an opportunity to get to know each other better, recognize one’s limits and perhaps discover new resources. At certain moments it may be necessary to take a break from the judgment, especially from that towards oneself, to allow the mind to find new balances ».