Cplow Esther,
I was struck by your last answer (the one about life as an empty cupboard):
“Do you know who are the ones who struggle most with the issue of being in a couple? Those who care so much. Those who see love as a solution, as a miracle, as the best-thing-that-ever-happened to me, those who lift the only possible happiness from the well of feelings”.
Are relationships, bad or not, better than being single?
Here I am I consider myself moderately happy despite traits of exalted despondency, I really wouldn’t be able to be a single person. Yet I have a nice job, many interests, children, I even manage to carry on some significant friendships… But life without love, even suffering or poorly reciprocated, for me is like a universe full of stars (work, friends etc…) but without sun, in which one dies of cold.
Would you like to appeal to the happy singles who perhaps read us to explain to us in person what the secret of their vital energy is? I’m not looking for those better alone than badly accompanied, the resigned, the furious, but the vital and serene ones for whom life has a thread and a meaning regardless. Thanks and good work!
THE.
Ester Viola’s response
Dear L.,
They exist, they exist. Except that we don’t believe him: the objective structure of love, that is, the couple – or rather the couple that reproduced themselves – was necessary for social stability, so that’s what they’ve been offering us as a model for millennia. The sufficiency of the individual alone is not even considered. By now historical memory is no longer operable: a dignified life will only be in a couple, there is nothing left to do to oppose it. It is the longest propaganda in history: everything will tend towards successful love as the highest aspiration.
Relationships and love are the beauty of life
But I’m not stupid: who can deny that love isn’t a (fabulous) part of everyone’s life? Love supports, integrates, rebuilds, sometimes makes you feel safe, adds, gives substance, illuminates your eyes and rejuvenates you. Not to mention the six months before relationships begin. Unreal, priceless. It’s impossible to get better than this.
Love does not remain still
It must also be said that love from that point (the twenties) does not remain immobile: the concept varies, the interpretations in the heads vary and – fortunately – the pain that one is capable of inflicting on oneself varies. I don’t know about you, now I remember the months without love and full of other things as holidays. Then love changes – again, again – when the nature of the family builder takes over. It doesn’t happen to everyone, but it’s common. To practice the beautiful world of stable relationships and filiation in marriage, you will have to like facts as much as you liked literature when you were twenty. In life there is no escape from the absence of half measures, L. Love dulls, fades and fades.
Relationships and necessary compromises
The young ladies who aspire to the beautiful bourgeoisie with large offspring cannot help but know that tough decisions and compromises will be needed.
What is important in your letter is the conclusion. The fake question. Loneliness like very certain sadness, like tragedy in drops, we are still here. You give so little credit to those who are alone that you call them together because – you say – you would like to understand from them. Exotic creatures. And you still wouldn’t believe it, L. Even with the best explanations.
In short, we are still here missing the essentials. Asking ourselves how to do it, staying without a relationship. If happiness will really be happiness.
“The solid male organization that put women in need of becoming wives and that above all convinced them that they were the ones who wanted it and had to chase the generous guy on duty, is still holding up well, despite some failures”.
Have you read it? You would like it very much, I’m sure.
iO Donna © ALL RIGHTS RESERVED