Teasing, insults and even abuse: 13-year-old Sonja* and her mother are at their wits’ end. Sonja has been bullied for months at her secondary school, the Delta VMBO in Helmond. The school has intervened in various ways and Sonja has reported it to the police, but there still seems to be no end to the bullying. “Does she have to end up in the hospital before it stops,” Sonja’s mother wonders.
Sonja and her mother are desperate. The bullying and abuse has been going on since the previous school year. It is striking that 14-year-old Nina, who took her own life in April because she was bullied, was also at Delta VMBO.
Talking about thoughts of suicide helps. You can call the 113 Suicide Prevention Foundation 24 hours a day (free and anonymously) on 0800 0113, or chat via 113.nl.
“I want to be able to study normally and get good grades, but that is not possible,” Sonja tells Omroep Brabant. She does not want her real name on the internet, for fear of her bullies. A few weeks ago, outside school hours, a bully pulled her hair to the ground. The video of the assault has since been shared at the school.
“Someone sent the video to the entire school,” says Sonja. She then decided to stay home from school for a while. “That gives me a little more peace,” she says. Sonja and her mother wanted to report the abuse. “But we couldn’t go until two weeks later,” her mother says angrily. Sonja didn’t like that idea either: “Because a lot can happen in two weeks.”
After several insults, taunting and even abuse, Sonja knows that bullying does not stop by itself. “In the beginning I sometimes scolded or did something, but I now know that it gets worse.”
“I was verbally abused and humiliated, but no one did anything.”
Earlier this year she reported another assault to the police. Sonja: “I was verbally abused and humiliated. Then I was beaten. A whole group was watching, but no one did anything. A video was also made of this.” The images are not only shared at school, but also on social media channels. The police had a so-called stop conversation with the bully, but shortly afterwards Sonja was attacked again because she had gone to the police.
Sonja and her mother also sounded the alarm several times at school. The school has acted in accordance with the anti-bullying protocol, says director Maarten Selten. There have been conversations with both Sonja, her mother, and the bullies. Sonja and her mother have also been put in touch with a Social Team, which will support them.
According to the anti-bullying protocol, the school can also suspend students or give notes if they do not adhere to the ‘rules of life’. According to Sonja and her mother, that also happened. The school cannot confirm this for privacy reasons. Telephones have also not been allowed at Delta VMBO since the start of this school year, because the school has noticed that ‘things are happening on social media that are causing unrest’.
Police response
The police confirm that abuse has been reported and that a stop conversation has been held with a bully in the past. According to a spokesperson, the fact that it sometimes takes so long before a report can be filed is due to the availability of officers. “The school tackles bullying at school with various agencies and is on top of it. The police are indirectly involved and monitor this,” the spokesperson said.
The police do not want to say anything else, because minors are involved in this case. The spokesperson does indicate that the police often see that bullying does not stop after school, due to the influence of social media. The police also see that young people are challenged in challenges to film bullying and abuse. “We especially urge you not to participate in this and not to share such videos,” the police say.
Sonja and her mother confirm that the school has taken action. Yet they do not notice that the bullying stops and that frustrates them. “I’m sometimes afraid to go to school if I wear something that they might not like,” says Sonja. What also makes it difficult is that she is bullied outside school hours by young people who do not attend her own school. Director Selten says that his school is in close contact with other secondary schools in Helmond to tackle bullying. He does not want to say anything about this specific case for privacy reasons.
“Afraid she’ll hurt herself.”
Meanwhile, Sonja and her family live in fear until the bullying stops. “It stresses me out a lot and so does my mother,” says Sonja. “I recently went to the hairdresser and when I called Sonja and she didn’t answer, I was afraid she had done something to herself,” her mother adds emotionally.
14-year-old Nina, who took her own life on April 1 this year, was bullied at the same school and could no longer bear it. Sonja and her mother knew Nina. “We played the same sport,” says the teenager. “Nina was very calm and sweet, you didn’t realize she was being bullied. She didn’t talk about it.”
Sonja does talk to her mother a lot about what all the bullying is doing to her. It is all the more frustrating that despite the actions of the school and the police, not much changes. “Does she have to end up in the hospital before it stops,” her mother wonders desperately.
*Sonja is a fictitious name for privacy reasons. The girl’s real name is known to the editors.