ROLLING STONE find from October 23, 2015
How do you begin a text that is about one of the worst records in recent music history? Maybe like this: Wanda’s music is the church of Satan. And “Bussi” is her dark grail. “Kiss”? Yes, “kiss”. Anyone who thinks up a name like that can’t be a good person. I think we can all agree on that. In this context, I can immediately dispel a widespread pop culture misconception. Bad people don’t have songs? Not true. Bad people have a lot of songs and fill entire records with them. And they then have stupid names like “Bussi”.
When you listen to the album, one question immediately comes to mind: Really? So what is actually possible in 2015? And without anyone having to go to prison, being publicly flogged or at least banned from performing for life?
Then a second question. What’s actually worse? The cruel elevator music to the scaffold of good taste or the plastic image of the band that was fabricated on the marketing drawing board and hovers somewhere between Viennese pimp romance, Tinder profile photo misery and professional autodrome parking chic? You don’t know. It is only in the interplay of music and visuals that the full range of horror is revealed. Sexism with a human face meets paint-by-numbers pop rock that sounds as if Stefanie Werger had infested the lifeless bodies of five Vienna sausages in a Ridley Scott alien style and from then on became a symbiotic Austropop monster for an entire generation of uncritical people Poisoning format radio listeners with emotional, foreign-shameful garbage.
The lyrics? Not better either. It sounds as if Hansi Hinterseer’s lyricist had completed a basic course in “Viennese for Dummies” in his second education and then became active as a press spokesman for the professional guild of Austrian pick-up artists.
Winking Hallodri stitch
Yes, it’s all really, really bad. But the worst thing about Wanda is how the band decimates her circle of friends. The fact is: a surprisingly large number of people also like this tongue-in-cheek Hallodri scam. Including some that were previously assumed to actually be okay. Sure, in three years everyone will be ashamed of their total taste failure and claim that they were never there and that they always found it terrible anyway. That’s how it always works. Luckily, I have carefully written down the names of all the Wanda Apostles around me. You will not be forgiven! Anyone who thinks Wanda is cool is the enemy – causa finita!
By the way, the West German pop features section, which seems to be afflicted by an inexplicable austrophilic mental illness, plays a strange role in this tragedy. The horny pop critics behave like a group of vacationers from Castrop-Rauxel filled with little cowards who are being cooked down by a pack of grinding ski instructors in some godforsaken Austrian apres-ski hell.
At first glance, this all sounds pretty negative. But I am a fanatic of fairness, a standard-bearer of thoughtfulness. That’s why I would like to praise her at this point: It’s impressive how Wanda manages to make the rest of the Austrian music scene shine in a better light.
“Bussi” is a new milestone in anti-quality
Their cynical I-sing-as-my-beak attitude is so disgusting that even a folksy crowd like Andreas Gabalier almost looks like a subtle pop precision engineer.
Finally, perhaps I can say something about the issue of escalation acceleration in terms of quality loss. If the first Wanda album was just terrible and embarrassing, the successor easily undercuts the historic low. “Bussi” is a new milestone in anti-quality. Absolute zero. So the ideal sound dirt for all friends of bad taste. Ideal for people who are not interested in music at all.
Build a wall around Bologna!
All that remains is a look into the future. Just the thought of a third album by the Viennese revival of Pur fills me with disgust. How much villainy is this band actually capable of? Will she perhaps record a record that only contains Nickelback and Bon Jovi cover versions that have previously been translated into Viennese? I’ll lay you down in the harp* full of roses? Or will they re-record the first Falco records and invite Michael Niaravani, Mario Barth or, for that matter, Gunter Gabriel as guest singers? No, things will probably get much worse.
Luckily I’ll never know. Because before I listen to a third Wanda record, I prefer to remove all my toenails myself with a cake server. Now I’ll quickly print out this subtle thesis paper and nail it to the church door of the Wanda sect. And with my head. Here I stand and can’t do anything else: Build a wall around Bologna! No more funny! No more Amore! Kisses and Baba!
Wolfgang Zechner is a journalist, author and speaker. He lives and works in Vienna. The text about Wanda is taken from his homepage with kind permission.