Since Sunday evening, the Hengelose Sylvia (45) has placed two extra plates on the dining table. She takes in two Ukrainian refugees with her husband and two children (11 and 13 years old). What is it like to suddenly live with two families under one roof?
“My husband and I are at a party when his phone rings, ‘Your guests will be arriving in 4pm.’ The day before, we had decided that we wanted to take Ukrainian refugees into our home. But I didn’t expect it to happen so quickly. The study has to be emptied, there has to be a bunk bed, bedding… Where can I get that from in such a short time?
Unfair world
We always had the desire to have someone into our family. I work in education and see up close how unfair the world is sometimes divided. I see children in the classroom who barely have money at home for clothes or healthy food. And then I see our children. They are in the scouting association, they make beautiful trips. We think it is important that they develop. Yet it sometimes stings. Why do my children get all those opportunities and other children don’t? That is a matter of pure luck.
On the news, my husband and I saw the images of the first bombings in Ukraine and we heard about the refugee influx that started. I immediately felt: this is the time to open our door. My husband had the same. Of course there are countless objections, but if you think too much about something, you will always come up with reasons not to do it.
Talking to the kids
We regularly talk about the news with our children, aged thirteen and eleven. Let’s forget that nuclear weapons are on high alert. I want them to be able to live in the here and now and not have too many worries. I do say, for example: ‘Imagine that your mother wakes you up at six in the morning. You quickly grab one suitcase, give daddy a kiss and have to leave immediately. How would that be?’ We think it is important that they know what is going on in the world.
When we suggested taking Ukrainian refugees into our home, our thirteen-year-old daughter was immediately enthusiastic. Our 11-year-old son. He is a homebody and just wants to be with mommy, daddy and his sister. “I don’t like it very much, but I think we should do it,” he concluded.
Renovate office
We joined Noaberschap Ukraine-Twente, a new, local organization that matches refugees with host families. There we were able to pass on a few practical ‘wishes’. For example, we were looking for someone who would not be allergic to our pets. Less than 24 hours later it happened. I placed a call asking who wanted to bring things and the next morning there were all kinds of people on the doorstep. So beautiful to see! A few hours later there were curtains in our former office, a bunk bed had been made and we were ready to receive our guests. Soon I cycled to the supermarket. “What do you want to eat?” I sent using Google Translate in Ukrainian to my husband’s phone, who was picking up our guests from the airport. Pasta was good.
Now it really starts
With the bicycle and shopping bag still in my hands, I was standing at the door when our new housemates arrived. Daria of 34 with her daughter Milana of 7. Now it really starts, I thought. I didn’t know anything about them yet. Just their ages and their allergies – raspberries and chocolate. But when I saw them, I immediately got a good feeling. They seemed well-groomed, sweet, modest. The daughter had beautiful long hair in a thick braid. They both wore thick coats. But their look was restless and their eyes were dark circles.
I did everything I could to give them a warm welcome. A tour, a nice meal. I tried my best to chat with them. Daria and Milana don’t speak English. We managed to sort it out with Google Translate. That is also quite nice, because by having the computer pronounce Ukrainian sentences, we also learn something of their language. It was still uncomfortable. You talk a bit about small talk. You are not going to immediately ask how her husband is doing, whom she had to leave behind in Kyiv. When the conversation turned a little towards the subject of war, Daria shut down. Luckily we have pets. That’s always a good icebreaker. Later we hung out in front of the TV together. A children’s program. I looked with half an eye. What was more important to me was that Daria and Milana seemed to feel somewhat at home. They hung on our couch, their legs dangling over the railing.
Lock the door
We’ve been living together for three days now and we’re getting used to it. I’m not a very good hostess who asks all day what you want to drink. That’s why I like it when Daria does it herself. That’s getting better. She was just in the kitchen preparing lunch for her daughter, while I was on the phone in the living room.
We don’t have a huge house and there is nowhere to isolate yourself except in your bedroom. But so far that has not been necessary. Only in the evenings are we home together and then we watch TV or play a game. The children go to school during the day and my husband and I went back to work after a few days off. Rhythm is also important. At the moment we are looking with the municipality if Milana can go to school and if Daria could do work. The invasion of our privacy is not so bad for me. The only thing I do differently is that I now lock the toilet door when I pee. My husband always slept without pajamas, but now he wears them.
Crying about the war
The kids take it surprisingly well. My son is still a bit timid, but has very sweetly created a Netflix account for our guests. Our daughter is having a harder time than expected. Yesterday she told me she was crying in class. She sees images of war on television, sees a mother and daughter who had to flee their country. Daria had a good time in Ukraine. She was a telemarketer, her husband was an entrepreneur, their daughter went to school and they had a nice house in the capital. Yesterday she facetimed with her husband. He is now in Kyiv and supplies the soldiers with medicines. He doesn’t fight on the front line, but what he does is of course very dangerous. Daria doesn’t say much about that, I think it touches her too much. But my daughter finds it very hard to see that life can turn around like this.
Two weeks or two years
It is of course a lot for our children. But it is also a lesson: this is life too. Appreciate what you have and help your loved ones. We have enough to give. I have no idea how much longer Daria and Milana will stay. ‘It could take two weeks, but it could also take two years,’ my husband and I told each other beforehand. We haven’t recorded anything about that, we’ll see. I especially hope for Ukraine and our guests that they can return home as soon as possible and safely embrace their husband and father.”