“His words and attitude often scare me,” “he keeps calling or texting to check where I am,” or “He doesn’t want me to spend time with my friends or family.” These are all ‘alarm signals’ of intimate terror. This is according to the organization Veilig Thuis Gooi en Vechtstreek, which has started a campaign since November 25 to make women aware of violence within partner relationships.
Someone who has been in such a relationship before is 46-year-old Esmeralda van Hassel. For ten years she was threatened and abused both mentally and physically by her partner. When he told her he was going to “put a bullet in her head” and her children were also beaten, she decided enough was enough.
“I had known him since I was thirteen. We always had a lot of fun together, until he started claiming me more and more. It slowly crept in. It got worse and worse. You can sense by your intuition that it is not okay, but you are manipulated into doubting your own feelings.”
On the run
She sought help from the mentor of one of her children. “It happened very quickly then. I fled with my children to a safe place. It is very difficult to do, also because you think: I am going with my family to a house with bunk beds, a kind of camp. But it was very fine.”
There she met fellow sufferers. Suddenly she saw how many women had experienced the same thing. “It was the most difficult time of my life, but also the most beautiful time of my life. For the first time I felt really free.”
Now she wants to encourage other women in the Gooi who are in a similar situation to seek help. “Try to confide in someone. There are many people who want and can help you. You are not alone and above all, don’t be ashamed. Take that step.”
Article continues. The video below from NH Gooi explains the ‘red flags’ within a relationship.