Women are more often the victims of transgressive behavior than men. Two in three young women are regularly harassed on the street and half experience undesirable behavior in the workplace. Now that the tolerance limit for undesirable behavior is shifting, it seems high time for a culture change. How can women better arm themselves and how can we break the pattern of shame and guilt among victims?
At the industrial estate of Heerhugowaard, 32 women receive weekly kickboxing lessons from Ruud Alwart, owner of Mejiro Gym. “Women come here to train to become stronger. Not only physically, because by pushing yourself to the limit, you also become stronger mentally. Women who are insecure often feel much more confident after a few months. In this class we focus us more on the elbows and knees, so the ladies know how to defend themselves.”
The fact that shame and feelings of guilt still play a major role in daring to report undesirable behavior is apparent from conversations with a number of women from the women’s class.
Between boxing, several women in the group reported experiencing disruptive behavior at work, in the gym, when going out or on the street. Reporter Priscilla Overbeek spoke with two women during the kickboxing class, who would like to remain anonymous.
“Men who call after me or whistle at me. You can take it as a compliment, but I find it annoying”
Layla* (29) lives in Alkmaar and works in Amsterdam. She parks her car about a five-minute walk from work. “I get harassed at least ten times along the way. Men who call after me or whistle at me, whisper in my ear that I’m beautiful or follow me. You can take it as a compliment, but I find it annoying.”
The fact that there is so much interest in Ruud’s women’s class shows, according to Layla, that men are the biggest problem. “Look how many women are here, that says enough? Men often have so little respect. I have played mixed sports, but then you are regularly stared at me. I always made sure that there was never a man behind me when I was playing squatting was, otherwise you would feel his eyes poking into your back. We feel consciously or unconsciously uncomfortable or unsafe because of the behavior of some men. It is good that more and more women are finally speaking out and that people are no longer looking away. ”
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Women’s kickboxing class undesirable behavior
Women’s kickboxing class undesirable behavior
Women’s kickboxing class undesirable behavior
Women’s kickboxing class undesirable behavior
Women’s kickboxing class undesirable behavior
Women’s kickboxing class undesirable behavior
At the age of 18, 31-year-old Roos* from Heerhugowaard narrowly escaped an assailant after a night out in Anna-Paulowna. “I went to listen to my brother’s tape, who was performing there in a bar. I started talking to a boom of a guy. Out of nowhere he started kissing me violently. I was quite tipsy and just gave up. allowed, because I might have liked the attention somewhere too.”
Shortly after, she decided the evening was over. “I told him I was tired and wanted to go home. He resisted and insisted I stay, but I said I had to catch my train and walked out.”
After a short walk towards the station, Roos noticed that she was being chased. It turned out to be the man from the pub. “He started pulling on me and because we were both drunk we fell to the ground. He was on top of me and felt my neck and breasts. I was paralyzed with fright, but then got some kind of primal strength and managed to push him off me Then I ran like a madman to the station. Luckily he didn’t come after me again.”
Own fault?
However, she never reported the bad experience to the police. She didn’t even tell her parents. “For a long time I thought it was my own fault. That I gave him the idea that I wanted this because I allowed him to kiss me. But even now that I tell it, I realize that he really went way too far .”
Since she decided to take up kickboxing, she not only feels stronger, but also a lot more assertive. “If you are mentally and physically in balance, you are more resilient. I used to be very insecure, but thanks to kickboxing I dare to stand up for myself more. Now I say faster and louder: no.”
*The real names of the women are known to the editors.
Women also experience cross-border behavior in the workplace more often than men, according to research by the Central Bureau of Statistics (CBS). Employers’ current policies are often still seriously deficient.
In the hospitality industry, cross-border behavior is even more common than in other sectors. “With major consequences for the catering employee”, explains Miriam Geerlings, regional manager of Koninklijke Horeca Nederland (KHN).
The trade association therefore organizes special courses for catering staff throughout the country: how to deal with intimidation and aggression. “During the course we do role plays with real actors, who imitate unpleasant situations. This way you learn how your own fear system works and how you recognize and manage that fear more quickly,” says Geerlings. A course in Castricum is already fully booked and next month there is a training in Amsterdam.
Employers are obliged to provide a safe working environment, says sector director Edwin Vlek of FNV Horeca. “Employees often do not know where to go with their complaint. In the workplace it must be clearer what appropriate behavior is, where the limit lies and what happens if it is exceeded.”
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