Slet’s be honest: there are friends than to the question “How’s it going?” they ring pearls of cosmic pessimism à la Leopardiciting lack of love and/or sex, money, health, tensions with sons and daughters-in-law, to the point of venturing into geopolitics prefiguring Orwellian scenarios. Then there are the other friends, the ones with happy hearts by birth or by training, professionals of lightness, happiness and irony, who perhaps also have problems, yet never stop looking at the world as a surprise of beauty. Two visions of life, Complaining versus Positive.
And all this beyond objective situations, that is, of contingent reality, which would lead to being anguished and dejected, or confident and active. An attitude. A modus vivendi. An unavoidable character aspect. A legacy of one’s family history. And if women are more elaborate and more “messed up”, the art of seeing the glass half full seems to ignore gender. Men who are grumpy and victimized, or active and proactive, dispensers of joy.
Happiness, you learn to see the glass half full
The point is that it is not yet clear whether it is the responsibility of genetics, of the education received, of experience or of the present. And above all if it is an art to learn, that is, if you can “practice” looking at the glass half full by focusing on what you have, compared to what you lack. Full and empty.
On Instagram, Marco Ghiani and Valerio Perrone, in their “Stanzazen”, talk about tricks. Yes, trucks of the mind to consider the opportunities offered by everyday life and not the problemsand thus quell the perennial grumbling and anxiety. They suggest asking yourself what really matters, or taking your time with a difficult choice (“I will consider”).
The two young people also wrote a book together, The mind calms down, life changes (Longanesi), accrediting themselves as perfect interpreters of the mindfulness trend, that is, a lot of awareness, meditation and enjoyment of the moment.
Gio Evan: «You must be the one who pours»
Gio Evan, writer and performer, a much loved name among devotees of Third Millennium spiritualism, cut the bullet by saying: «Don’t see the glass as half full or half empty, you must be the one who pours». It has recently been published Joy is hard work (Feltrinelli), a novel in which he mourns the loss of his mother. He says: «She is the one who taught me that in every experience there is a reason for joy. We had many difficulties when I was a child and she made me understand that every change is a door that opens. I was born in ’88: my generation is doing a great job on gratitude, which is the highest form of wisdom, it is the most powerful force, it surpasses love.”
Happiness in the years of eternal discontent
Will be. But looking around, you can hear a muttering in the backgroundspread across both sexes and at all ages. Muttering that depresses and worries, also because it rarely leads to collective action: it happened for Gaza, and to defend the planet, and on a handful of other occasions.
The reason is clear in the eyes of Giampaolo Nuvolati, professor of Sociology at the Bicocca University of Milan: «In the twentieth century, socialist ideology and Christian doctrineand they provided context, you felt part of a community. Today we are alone. The individual is individualized, that is, he must solve problems on his own and must have self-confidence. Technology adds a distressing burden, because we have to think about functions that were once delegated to others: banking, reservations, even e-medicine…”.
Take it spiritually
It is therefore no coincidence that Buddhism and Eastern philosophies continue to gain followers. In a society centered on performance, on exasperated individualism, learn to relax, focus on the present and relativize failures It presents itself as a precious lifesaver for survival. That is, if you avoid continually challenging your mind, you are better off.
Especially us women who, as Giampaolo Nuvolati explains, we raised expectations: «If these grow, and in the case of women they have rightly grown a lot in recent decades, the danger is that dissatisfaction will also increase with them».
It’s not just a gender issueit is also a generational factor: «Young people are generally more educated and therefore have high expectations. For them only the present exists, they cannot start from the past and have no vision of the future. Ultimately, they evaluate what they have at the moment.”
Conscious self-motivation against anxiety
There is another element to consider: Complaining attracts attention and releases you from responsibility. On the other hand, being optimistic helps you manage stress and not give up. Conscious, light, non-anxiety self-motivation often leads to achieving goals. Pietro Tabucchi theorized it more than 20 years ago in a precious little book, continually reprinted and sold, I resist therefore I am (Corbaccio).
Optimism is inherited
Tabucchi wrote many others, the latest is Opus (always Corbaccio). He is a psychologist, consultant, motivator, passionate about extreme disciplines, trainer of mountaineering expeditions and national triathlon teams: «Being positive is a form of learning. We metabolize it from an early age by seeing our parents, grandparents, sisters. It is a cognitive style. I believe we can practice being positive: a lot depends on how we deal with difficulties. Playing the victim drains your emotions and places the “blame” on someone else, but in the long run it screws you. The first thing to do is to be aware: measure yourself with reality and accept your emotional responses, even negative ones, to overcome them. You can teach to see the glass half full by encouraging the person and making them increasingly aware.”
Enjoy the little things
The ostrich technique is never good, let alone denying difficulties. Whether you are Complaining or Positive, enjoying the little things is a thousand-year-old wisdom. Don’t close yourself off, invent and reinvent yourself. It would be enough to remember one of the cult phrases of Braveheart: «Everyone dies! However, not everyone truly lives.” Precisely. And conscious, light, non-anxiety self-motivation leads to achieving goals.