CWhat do so many dates that didn’t go very well have in common? Or have many relationships come to a standstill before they can even be defined as stories? The ambiguity, the confusion, the too many assumptions. Nevertheless women would just like some clarity from men. They would like what in jargon is called Clear Codingor one emotional literacy by the opposite sex. That is, that man is somewhat aware of what he wants or doesn’t want, or at least that he is clear that he is confused. So as not to waste women’s time in useless analyzes with their friends.
Clear Coding, the trend that tells of a female need
A certain trend but above all a real need on the part of women. No one anymore wants to waste time deciphering behaviors, phrases said or implied, trying to understand, to unravel tangles in the hearts and minds of men. To confirm the women’s need for clarity also the Year of Swipe of Tinder, a report drawn up by the famous dating platform which annually collects data on sentimental changes. And for this year it highlights clear coding among the most successful trends. Not by chance 56% of members give a lot of importance to sincere conversations45% are looking for a more empathetic partner while 64% would like greater emotional honesty and 60% would like clearer and more honest communication about intentions. In short, what women are looking for are “emotionally literate” men.
The era of tormented, cryptic, ambiguous loves, those made up of so many doubts and just as much anguish, is therefore over. Today we focus on sincerity and clarity, first of all in ourselves and then in relationships between two. «Many women, above all between the ages of 25 and 40, they declare that they no longer want to interpret silences, ambiguities or contradictory behaviors. They look for “emotionally literate” partners, that is, capable of recognizing, naming and managing their emotions. It is not a structured ideology, but a cultural change: fewer power games, fewer ambivalent relationships, more transparency. It’s a request from emotional maturity even before economic stability or social status» explains the psychiatrist Beatrice Casoniavailable at the Erresse Polyclinic in Ferrara.
Being emotionally literate, what does it mean?
But what does it mean to be emotionally literate? Basic means have developed the so-called emotional intelligencetherefore having self-awareness, being able to express one’s needs and limits, being empathetic towards others and knowing how to regulate one’s impulsive reactions.
«Specifically, an emotionally literate man does not avoid conflicts but faces them. Does not practice ghostingthat is, he does not disappear when faced with a difficulty, but communicates. He does not experience vulnerability as a threat to his masculine identity. All attitudes that allow you to build healthier communication and emotional responsibility towards the other person which are the basis of good quality relationships and which allows you to protect your mental health.”
Goodbye to the traditional male model
Greater male clarity on the part of women can represent a sort of cultural earthquake. In fact, the decline of the so-called “traditional” man seems to have arrivedthe distant one, not very communicative and focused above all on the role of “provider”, i.e. breadwinner of the family. We are in fact now in a moment of transition towards a new man: «It is obviously not a war against men but a request for relational quality. Surely some may perceive it as an attack or as an excessive raising of expectations but in reality Emotional maturity is a benefit to both of you. Many men also suffer from the inability to express fragility or ask for help. Clear coding can be seen as an invitation to free ourselves from rigid stereotypes.”
How come this happened evolution in couple relationships? «The causes are different. Certainly greater female independence, both economic and social, has made women safer. Today they are no longer looking for a partner out of necessity, but by choice and this completely changes the selection criteria. Added to this is also one greater psychological awareness. In recent years there has been a lot of talk about therapy, trauma, attachment, narcissism: all concepts that were once confined to clinical studies now circulate in podcasts and on social media. This has increased level of emotional awareness. Finally, we must not underestimate the many, in some cases too many, disappointing relational experiences. Many women have experienced relationships characterized by emotional immaturity, avoidance or low emotional responsibility. Clear coding was also born as a reaction to all this.”
The male reaction to clear coding
The reactions to this new request are and will be different. Surely some men will feel threatened because they have internalized the traditional male figureto the detriment of a more equal and aware relationship. These types of people could then experience change as a personal criticism. A good portion of men instead, he will see new opportunities in clear coding: «There are in fact many men who are undertaking therapeutic paths, working on themselves, developing emotional skills and for them this evolution represents a space for growth».
A change that could be an advantage for both on one condition however: that does not lead to rigidity, i.e. the search for the absolute perfect partner. And therefore of an unrealistic ideal, «no one is in fact always clear-headed, always coherent, always capable of communicating at his best. Emotional maturity does not mean the absence of fragility, but the ability to take responsibility for it. If clear coding remains an invitation to clarity and not a test of perfection, it can foster healthier and less conflictual relationships. We can conclude that what is changing is the threshold of tolerance towards ambiguity and emotional immaturity. Women today seem less willing to “educate” a partner and more oriented towards choosing someone already willing to grow together. It is an important cultural transition and from the point of view of collective mental health it is an encouraging sign.”
