Last week I wrote about turning fifty. And what you then stop doing. With late parties. With sleeping on a sofa bed. Jumping over a fence. That you would rather drive yourself, instead of waiting in a meadow for a bus.
I had braced myself for angry reactions. From people who would think I’m a boring old box. Who still use drugs at 68. At the age of 90, they were still traveling through the Pyrenees with a tent. Get their motorcycle license at the age of 73. But guess what? I received an outpouring of support. I was astounded.
Or well. Of course there were people who were eager to prove that they were still up to their ankles in life well after the age of fifty. Men. Of course.
They sent me the inevitable racing bike photos that I am also bombarded with on my dating app. Mud on the sunglasses. Lycra suit. They ran marathons! While I think: if anything screams ‘midlife crisis’, it is running marathons and racing bikes in the mud.
But the vast majority? He simply agreed with me. People of 30 who could “check off the entire list.” People who couldn’t wait until they were 50 themselves and could stop ‘all that nonsense’.
People who don’t skate anymore. No more wearing heels. No more running for the train. Suddenly liking Omroep Max’s programs. People who, when they drop something, first check whether it is worth bending over. Hahaha.
But above all: people who were happy that I had “finally written down honestly” that you change as you get older. And that that is normal. “Stopping things is the icing on an old cake,” someone wrote. “Once you’re 50 and you don’t feel anything when you wake up in the morning, you’re dead,” another said. “As if we have collectively decided that it has all been nice,” a third said. “And that now is the time for smarter enjoyment. Or as I call it: relaxed survival.”
That was also the moment I thought: shouldn’t we stop wanting to remain that frenetic young person? And start accepting our age? Be a little less hard on yourself! And embrace the old fart within yourself. Just say it out loud: ‘I’m older, so what?!’
Maybe then we can immediately stop all those lies we tell each other about getting older. How terrible it is. Or just how wonderful. I’ll list them down. They come.
1‘Age is just a number.’
Yes. A fairly high number.
2‘Age is in your mind.’
Just like all that squeaking from all those festivals and concerts.
3‘Wisdom comes with age.’
Beats. Usually at the same time as the thought: I should have stopped drinking sooner.
4‘You have to stay young at heart.’
I’m actually glad that I no longer have to feel insecure about pimples, my tits, bags under my eyes, and all that other nonsense I worried about when I was young at heart.
5‘As you get older, you have a wealth of experience.’
That you can’t do anything with. And that no one wants to listen to.
6‘You have to keep challenging yourself.’
Certainly. But not necessarily by pole dancing in your suspender belt. Or “by doing a split at a dance party that leaves you with a lower back hernia for three months and can only sit,” as one reader wrote.
7“You’re as young as you feel.”
Until you need glasses to see how old you feel.
8“I still feel exactly the same as I did when I was 20.”
Until you have to climb some stairs.
9‘You just have to move with the times.’
Always? Why?
10‘You have to get out of your comfort zone.’
I’m glad I’m finally in it.
11‘The best is yet to come.’
As if you have never experienced anything beautiful before.
12‘You have to celebrate life.’
Is that also allowed at home?
You know. The problem with getting older isn’t that you’re getting older. The problem is that a lot of people act like that’s the worst thing that can happen to you. Or just the very best. Both nonsense.
Yes. When you are older you know better what you want. Are you done with the endless doubts? Have you finally made the right choice in the rat race? Namely that you don’t have to be everywhere to be seen. But do you also have creaky knees or bursitis? Hernias. Or even worse. Growing older is not resignation. But acceptance. Looking life in the face.
There is actually only one statement about growing older that is true and that is: ‘life begins at 50’. Or well, not life of course. But your life. Finally completely your own.
Delicious.
