Recommendations of the Editorial team
“Yes, it’s Groundhog Day,” Jon Stewart said. “We call it Groundhog Day because this is the day Donald Trump sees Epstein’s shadow and we won’t know who the co-conspirators are in this multinational sex trafficking case for another six weeks. And also because Punxsutawney Phil is all over the files.”
He added: “What I’m saying is: The Epstein files thing? We’ve been through that before.” Stewart then played several news clips asking whether the documents would “bring down MAGA.”
Doubts about political consequences
“The chances of this bringing down MAGA are actually lower than Trump simply lowering the age of consent to get the whole damn thing over with,” Stewart added. “Which isn’t to say there aren’t terrible things in this new Epstein dump.”
The late-night host listed some of the names in the new files, including Steve Bannon, Elon Musk, Bill Gates, Bill Clinton, Brett Ratner, Prince Andrew and Richard Branson. Trump’s name was, of course, also included in the files with “thousands of mentions.” Stewart admitted that he himself appears in the files.
“That’s actually true.”
“That’s actually true,” he said, before explaining why. “Let me take you back in time. It’s midnight. August 29, 2015. Jeffrey Epstein lies wide awake, his head buzzing with ideas. He writes a short note to a producer named Barry Josephson and says, ‘I have Woody [Allen] suggested’ – you all know which Woody, right? It’s the Epstein files, it’s not Harrelson or the cowboy from Toy Story. You know which one – quote: ‘I suggested to Woody that he do an exclusive new stand-up routine for Apple TV or Amazon.'”
He continued: “Oh, Jeffrey Epstein always had a sense of what America wanted in 2015. But Barry Josephson, thinking like an unconventional TV professional, brought this idea. That’s true, quote: ‘Create a real biographical experience, the highlight of which is his stand-up performance. Someone like Jon Stewart could host/narrate the biographical part.'”
Stewart added: “Sorry? I’m offended. Someone like Jon Stewart or Jon Stewart? My point is, do I have the offer or is this an audition?”
Despite the wealth of new information, Stewart recalled that many more files still need to be released. “Look, we always knew that the Justice Department people who released these documents weren’t on a fact-finding mission; they were just conducting a diversionary tactic,” he noted. “And whoever they are running diversionary tactics for seems to be very pleased with these results.”
No legal consequences
Stewart ended his monologue with a comparison between the lack of legal accountability of those named in the Epstein files and Trump’s current takeover of ICE. Despite all the information on notable public figures in the files, there is nothing that could lead to prosecution.
“Nothing happened to any of them,” Stewart said. “Oh, except Prince Andrew… I’m just not sure anyone will be held accountable for any of this.”
He continued: “After watching politically well-connected individuals evade any form of legal responsibility for horrific crimes, it seems pretty clear to me that there is a sanctuary city in this country,” Stewart said. “But you know what? This boy doesn’t live in it. The real sanctuary city is where money and power protects you from the consequences of sex trafficking, influence peddling, or the half-billion-dollar divestment of America’s AI infrastructure. Not the small Midwestern town where you get shot in the back of the head if you try to help a woman who’s been attacked with pepper spray.”
