“When people hear about my life, they sometimes think it sounds a bit extreme. I work 32 hours at Arboned, I exercise every day in the morning in the pool and in the afternoon in the gym, study applied psychology. And I also have my work as a speaker, writer and poet. Gosh, people say, when are you going to relax? But for me this is relaxing. I like routines. If I can just work through my schedule – swimming, working, exercising, eating, studying, writing, sleeping – I feel the best.
“I was originally trained as a beautician. That’s how I ended up at the UMC Utrecht, where I had my own beauty salon for the patients of the oncology department. Or I would take my beauty supplies to the children in the Wilhelmina Children’s Hospital. Then we would have a nice nap together.
“I love people; that is the basis. And I find it interesting to be involved in healthy living. So the fact that I now guide employees who are ill for a long period of time feels very logical to me.
“I have been a case manager for prevention and absenteeism at Arboned since last year. I mainly supervise medium-sized and small companies there: bakers, construction workers, furniture makers – there is everything in between. As a case manager you are a spider in the web. I am in contact with the company doctor, the legal department and the HR department. Sometimes I guide someone in their recovery myself. I did not have to be trained for long. No, this is really where my skills. I like it when there are problems because then I can solve them.”
Lily van Dijken (46) lives in an apartment in Utrecht. She works 32 hours a week as a prevention and absenteeism case manager at Arboned, an occupational health and safety service for small and medium-sized businesses. Lily was born in Leiden, lived with her grandparents in Suriname for a while and grew up in a foster family in ‘t Harde from the age of four. She is an ambassador for Pleegzorg Nederland and also works as a speaker, moderator, writer and poet.
Lily van Dijken is single and earns an average salary of once.
Foster mother for all foster children
“I have always been creative; that is another basis in my life. I write poems and in 2018 I was allowed to exhibit a number of them in the UMC. A publisher said that he saw a story in it for a book; it was mainly about my past as a foster child.
“I lived in Suriname until I was three or four years old. First with my grandparents, but when my grandmother became ill, I had to return to my biological mother in the Netherlands. I didn’t actually know her, and she didn’t know us either – my half-brother and I. That didn’t go well at all. She neglected and abused us. Ultimately, she chose to remove us from her home. The week before we were to go, my half-brother died in an accident that I was present at. the two of us went to the foster home, but I came alone.
“I was placed with a family in ‘t Harde, in the middle of the Bible Belt. That was a very nice foster family, with two parents, a brother and a sister who are still very important to me. But if you come into the world and are not wanted, it remains a trauma. It is still a scar that opens up every now and then. Through a lot of trial and error, I can deal with it better.
Left: Lily with her sister and brother; right: the too small diving goggles that Lily bought.
Photos Mona van den Berg
“My book was finally published in 2021. That had more impact than I had thought. I never actually told them that I was a foster child. People thought I was adopted and I was fine with that; I didn’t have to talk about it. But now that I do, I am freed from a heavy stone that I always carried on my shoulders. Truly a liberation! I even sat with Eva Jinek with my story. That was so exciting, but really a big highlight. It turned out that I my story can inspire people. You don’t even have to be a foster child for that. Everyone has their own story, with their own pain.
“I am 46 and have thought about becoming a foster parent myself. It seems nice, but I couldn’t do it. It would be too confrontational for me. That is why I take on my role to write about it, speak about it and be visible. In this way I am, in my own way, a foster mother for all foster children.”
Nomad
“In my daily life, I am always on the way to work, clients or sports. As a kind of nomad. I used to spend a lot of time with my boyfriend, but unfortunately we just broke up. We were in a relationship for almost two years. It took me some time to get used to having someone in my life who also needed attention, haha! But at the same time I noticed that he brought peace. Someone who says: come, let’s do some sports together, or have something to eat together outside the door. That’s just nice.
“I don’t take that rest easily. I’m a doer. I think watching television on the couch is a waste of time. So if I want to watch the news in the morning, I do so while spinning around in circles with my fitness hula hoop: a weighted hoop with which you train your abdominal muscles. And on vacation I always take my skipping rope with me – when I go on vacation. I missed my vacation this summer because I had a deadline for a new book. That’s what I think. me more important.
“I don’t get stressed often. Okay, sometimes. Then my head is overloaded with work or whatever, then I have to tell my story. I have a coach for that. Then I take a day off and together we list what gives me energy and what doesn’t. That is always enlightening.
“Ah, wait, maybe I have a moment of relaxation. It doesn’t happen that often, but when I think I’ve studied enough or written enough, I make a bowl of salty popcorn, put on my headphones and listen to songs from the past. Then I’m a happy person! Maybe I could do that more often.”
What is your last Tikkie sent?
“Oh, that was a long time ago I see: July 7. Then I went for a drink with a friend at a beer café nearby. 16 euros.”
Weekly shopping or going to the supermarket every day?
“Something in between: two or three times a week.”
What’s your last biggest expense?
A black jacket with studs, from 90 euros. “I was in a restaurant and saw someone wearing that jacket. I liked it so much that I asked where she bought it and ordered it for myself on the spot.”
Second-hand or rather new?
“New. Yes, sorry, my style is just modern and sleek. My ex-sister-in-law often bought second-hand clothes and they looked great on her, but I don’t see myself wearing them.”
What are you saving for?
“A trip to Suriname, I haven’t been there since I was four. I was actually going to go in 2020, but then corona came. Since then, the threshold has been high again. Because it is an arduous trip, but also because it is so expensive.”
Do you often clean the house?
“Yes, I like it neat. Sometimes I think I have made a mess, but when I have people over, they say: what on earth are you talking about?”
What was really a bad buy?
Diving goggles that are too small, costing 40 euros. “I always wear a ponytail when swimming, but the elastic doesn’t even fit over my hair.”
Who decides what you will eat?
“I spend a lot of time on nutrition, also because I exercise so much. I have shakes, protein powders, meal drinks, aloe vera juices – really everything. In the evening I often eat rice with vegetables and chicken or fish. guilty pleasure is babi pangang with white rice from the Chinese next door. Oh, just like an angel peeing on your tongue.”
What do you feel guilty about spending money on?
“Clothes. Especially online, at Asos. I just bought another jacket. I don’t need it of course, but I still want it.”
Best tip for household or finances?
“Don’t skimp on tasty or good food. Everything is more expensive these days, but being able to enjoy good food is always worth the money.”
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