“The only person I still pleasure from now on,” I read in last week An essay by Saskia Noort in Volkskrant Magazine“Is myself.” A thought that I also have when I go into town for a birthday present and finish with a bag of fries and three new items of clothing for my own wardrobe, or when I eat a mackerel sandwich under the watchful eye of the cat. Noort says it to herself because at the age of fifty -eight she no longer wants to be attractive (‘fuckable’) for men. Still pretty difficult, she writes, with a ‘timeline full of fifty plus women who share the bed with young men’. Then just let Heleen van Royen think, you would think.
Once in a while you can read a piece of someone (a woman) who writes that she no longer does something to pee the other (a man). Shave. Gain makeup. Let wrinkles spray away. Go to the gym. “A synthetic suspender belt”, says Noort. She and her girlfriends simply no longer feel like it. ‘See us sitting, this group of great women with their own companies, full -time jobs, baking on knowledge and experience. […] Can we finally be free from a life full of uncertainties and the tacit obligation to meet the requirements of our internalized male gaze? “
The admiration of (a certain type of) men is seamlessly exchanged here for that of the readership, which may even take an example of the decision not to be a ‘nice woman’ anymore. And yet: there are now so many writers, influencers and feminists who have proclaimed to no longer adapt to plea men that it is starting to be so tiring. It is not even the often self -fed tone of these articles and posts that is the most annoying, it is mainly the suggestion that women who are still busy with the gaze of others (men !!!) are lagging behind. What seems to me fun/liberating/brave now is a woman who indicates that with her appearance she tries to please others, without wanting to change that. Because it is very normal and human to want attention and to want to be found nicely, regardless of your age and gender. Rather that, than the next one that shouts that you just have to be grinded to the eyes of another.
Although, just: according to Noort it is not easy. “Being still fuckable. On social media, in the film world and in some women’s magazines it looks like everything is all about that, now also for women of my generation.” Perhaps that is true if you peek at the Instagram account of Kris Jenner – Mater Familias of the Kardashians and really someone to compare yourself with – but the opposite is also correct: everything seems to revolve around women who no longer feel like ‘fuckable’ (we stop with that alle word). Influencers who put their acne and/or stretch marks on social media, world-famous actresses who go through life-free life, Dutch writers who note things like: “The hours I have put into the grooving of my cunt, I just can’t afford it anymore.”
All great of course, although there is a problem according to Noort. “Now that the taboo is settled on the transition, the next taboo has to be lifted, namely the myth that women over 50 would no longer be fuckable. In my opinion, that not only has a, competitive edge, but also provides a new taboo: can you say that you are not horny?”
That way we keep going. Everyone can say that he/she is horny or not, although saying nothing is of course always an option. As long as we do not fall into a kind of taboo pingpong: if one taboo is not in force, then automatically the other. You would like to pull the hair out of the head, were it not for men to be plastered.
Tessa Sparreboom Is Neerlandicus.
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