News item | 25-09-2025 | 14:38
The Hague, 25 September 2025 – A woman is killed every 8 days in the Netherlands. Often by her partner or ex. In many cases, a longer period of mandatory check is preceded. In our country, an estimated 200,000 people are victims of compelling control every year. Often people from the immediate vicinity of the victim, and also victims themselves, do not realize that this is the case. Yet we can recognize signals. Anyone recognizing the signals can intervene and prevent femicide. That is why the Ministry of Justice and Security are starting the campaign ‘Where are you?’.
Where are you?
What starts as a beautiful love can turn into an unsafe relationship. After an often fast start with excessive attention, the relationship switches step by step to compelling control. The partner dominates, threatens and checks the victim systematically. Often there are signs that things are not going well, such as ignoring feelings, blackmail, manipulation, keeping away from family and friends or threatening with violence. But small changes in the victim can also indicate compelling control. For example, canceling agreements at the last minute, suddenly stopping make-up or always have to be available for the (former) partner. Compulsive control can also be accompanied by physical and sexual violence. This can be so bad that it ends in fatal violence.
Recognize signals essential
Recognizing signals is essential to make a fist against femicide. State Secretary Rutte of Justice and Safety: “Survivors often say:” If only I had seen it. If only I had recognized the signals. Signals preceding femicide are often not noticed by friends, family, colleagues or other people in the area. While femicide is one of the most predictable forms of murder. Do you worry or recognize signals?
“If someone had recognized the signals, my sister might have lived”
Gea Godwaldt was killed by her husband in 2020 when she indicated that she wanted to separate. Her sister Barbara explains why recognizing the signals of compelling control is so important: “I saw from close by how supposedly loving attention changed step by step into fear and control. In the beginning the relationship seemed very fun and romantic. And just like with most relationships with compelling control, it went fast so that they resembled quickly.”
“At the same time, her choices were slowly limited. It happened more and more often that Gea canceled an appointment at the last minute. Or that she could not escape in the car during a fight. Her husband also visited gaslighting: He made Gea think that her thoughts and feelings were not right, so that she started to doubt herself. Only after her death do I realize how clear the signals were. I want to give that to everyone. Do you recognize signals of compelling control or violence? Contact Veilig Thuis for advice or help. Taking action can literally be the difference between life and death. “
What the government does more
Victims of domestic violence and child abuse must always be able to count on protection and support. They deserve help at the right time, so that they get the chance to build a safe life. In addition to this public campaign, the government is also working on increasing knowledge of professionals about compelling control and improving the criminal approach to psychological violence. With, among other things, the police, the Public Prosecution Service and Veilig Thuis, we are working on better file formation, so that signals and behavioral patterns that indicate mandatory control end up in the criminal justice file and can be used in a criminal case. The Ministry of Justice and Security is also preparing a bill to criminalize psychological violence, with a focus on compelling control.
In addition, the government is investing in broader strengthening of the protection of victims of domestic violence and child abuse: there will be extra specialized prosecutors and police officers receive better training. We express safety more emphatically in the case of authority and access issues, improve the use of the temporary restraining order and investigate together with municipalities how we can use the victim supporters more broadly. This is a device that signals the distance between the victim and the suspect/convicted person and is connected to the controversial service control room. With these steps we continue the approach to domestic violence and child abuse: for more safety, better protection and acting faster.
Recognize the signals. Together we can help victims.
Compulsive control and femicide touch women and girls of all ages and backgrounds. By recognizing the signals you can help stop violence. Call safely at home: 0800 2000.
This is also anonymous. Or chat via www.veiligthuis.nl. Is there an immediate danger? Then always call 112.
The campaign ‘Where are you?’
The public campaign ‘Where are you?’ Makes people aware of the signals of compelling control and calls on them to contact Veilig Thuis for help and advice. ‘Where are you?’ is part of the measures of the central government that arise from the action plan ‘Stop femicide!’.
For this campaign, the Ministry of Justice and Security cooperates with all parties involved in tackling domestic violence and child abuse, including the Ministries of VWS and OCW, Safe Home, Police, Public Prosecution Service, Reclassing, Child Protection Board, VNG, Municipality of Amsterdam, GGDs and Stay Group. Tinder also pays attention to (un) safe relationships during the campaign.