Loneliness affects especially young people, some experts show how to make friends and socialize is essential for everyone’s physical and mental well -being

NOn we are made to stay alone. Wrong tests suggest that we need each other. For happiness, for health, for longevity. For example, a revision of studies, which analyzed almost a billion and a half of participants from all over the world, found that People had up to 53 percent more likely to die For any cause if theirs relationships were lacking ( Frontiers in Psychology, 2021). A previous job (on Heart Journal2016) had come to the conclusion that have solid ties was associated with a minor risk of incurring infarm And stroke.

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It is a simple idea: Spending time with those who love you are good for the bodynot only to the psyche. An American researcher, Kasley Killam, has been committed for over a decade to spread the invitation to take herself care of one’s social health. In his new book ( The Art and Science of Connection, Penguin Life) writes that we should commit ourselves to cultivating the art of connectionsunderstanding what ours is friendship style to enhance interpersonal qualities e fight The number one enemy: loneliness.

His theses have received the interest of the academic world and the American press. On the website of the University of Berkeley, California, the scientist explains that we need to “Deep relationships, mutual support, to feel cared for, including, enhanced, part of a group”. Interviewed by the Harvard University magazine, he explained that the social health does not equate to being sociable. You can have an extroverted or reserved inclinationbut the important thing is not to lose sight of affectivity.

Do you feel like a butterfly or pagola?

THE Four relational styles Proposed by the scientist, they also include shy and introverts. A quiz that Killam has developed on New York Times To understand which category it belonged to it became viral. You want to try to find out if you feel more one Al evergreen tree, a butterfly, a Lucciola or a Wallflowerthat is, someone who is the sidelines? It’s a game, but it can give you ideas. Let’s assume that you are a fir, luxuriant all year As long as it receives enough Solar light and water. Fuor of metaphor: the human beings who resemble evergreen plants they feel better when they are nourished by frequent interactions with one restricted circle. “If you give love, it is easy to be reciprocated,” the researcher says.

Imagine one now Butterfly fluttering in flower flowersucking nectar and polling. The advantage of those who love to see many people: «Butterflies can help others feel comfortable ».

And now imagine one firefly Which shines in the company of his fellow men and then disappear in the darkness of the night. Lucciole friends limit the number of collective commitmentsbut they light up when they feel deeply connected to othersand they do it with great attention.

An infallible recipe

The last category has been made famous by Stephen Chbosky’s bestseller, The Perks of Being in Wallflower (brought to the screen as We are infinite ). The title of the novel can be translated with “The perks of Being a Wallflower” and suggests that too Who is not at the center of the scenebecause it is more a “Wall flower”can experience significant experiences. To forget the negative connotations. «The super power of individuals a little closed and selective»Reads on New York Times “It’s of absorb information and be sensitive to what happens around them ».

The meaning is evaluate one’s social well -beingas it is done for the body with the blood tests and the monitoring of blood pressure. What and how many relationships do you have? How is the relationship with family members, work colleagues, neighbors and the largest community that is part of? “Dedicating to nourish bonds can help you live longer, healthier and happier” assures Killam. After self -analysis, it is necessary to understand whether or not the adjustments are needed and move on to the action. You can expand your network attending associations, clubs or becoming more accomplices with those around us. Some feel overwhelmed by worldliness and then they will prefer focus on a few friends. But when you feel alone even if the knowledge is not lacking, then it would be the case of increase the degree of intimacy With someone, approach, open up.

In 2023, the Canadian alliance for social connection and health (CASCH) has published a document ( How Much Social Time Do We Need?) which summarizes the scientific evidence on the minimum time of effective interactions to prevent insulation.

Anxious generation

In part inspired by the results, Killam provides his recipe, summarized in the Formula of 5-3-1: «Get in touch with five different people every week, keep at least Three close relationships in general and dedicate at least an hour a day to exchanges with others ». The number one point seems difficult, in reality it is about exchange two words with strangers, on the street, at the railway stationfrom the greengrocer: also A fleeting meeting seems to have an impact on our brain hungry for sociability. As for the basic nucleus of three, it is also indicated by the anthropologist and psychologist Robin Dunbar, who conducted a serious experiments on friendship. Last advice: the communication of one hour It does not refer to messages on WhatsApp and hearts on Instagram.

At the beginning, some sociologist hypothesized that Facebook and other social media would have united usbut many experts now think that the time spent in front of the screens has replaced the time spent with human beings. This explains why we talk about anxious generation about teenagers.

Often it is thought that above all at a certain age it is suffered from the lack of contacts and instead the surveys note that Young people have twice the probability compared to the elderly to suffer solitude. One of the paradoxes of humanity is that we have evolved, like other primates, to become social creatures, But modernity has pushed us to a fate as monads.

“Diffreater” stress

For those who wonder what are the mechanisms that connect relationships and physical healtha theory widely supported by studies is that the amount of stress ( stress buffering ).

Prolonged isolation, for our species, is a very stressful experience and can lead to High levels of cortisol hormone and an increase in the chronic inflammation of the body, a state that is associated with chronic pathologies. On the contrary, staying in the company calms us. As Aristotle wrote (in the Nicomachea ethics) “Without friends, no one would choose to live, even if he had all the other assets.”

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