Neither pain nor darkness managed to turn off their beauty. The features, the hair, the look, the bearing, the voice is intact. Ana Paula Dutil It is still a captivating woman.
“I am a person in recovery. It is very deep what happens to me. After my great depression, to which my separation and a long grieving process were added, once everything happened, I began to enjoy myself and pay attention to me, because I was automatically. I am healing and recovering,” he tells news.
Ana Paula was a recognized model and today is dedicated to interior design. He has four children: B
There was a long time in which life hurt others. A time when depression took it completely. Today, in the process of healing, it is encouraged to name things by name. Tell your experiences in the excellent podcast “Pibas say”who designed with her friends Julieta Ortega, Rosario Ortega and Fernanda Cohen. This year they record the fourth season and add the publication of a book. On the other hand, following the numerous consultations he received on his social networks, he created “Let’s speak”, two monthly meetings that were held at the University University to talk about mental health issues with professionals. They are currently made by zoom until you find a new space.
News: Is she happy with the woman she is?
Ana Paula Dutil: Yes, a lot is missing, but I am much better than before. I am learning to get out of the deep ditches and start walking, but it costs because I fall again in the ditches that I was before, of all the thoughts, the mandates I had. I was doing things because you had to do them, but not because I really felt them.
News: What is your biggest challenge?
Dutil: Forgive me things that have to do with my children. It is what is costing me the most. And I wonder if one day I will be a couple again, because I am having a great time alone. Another thing that worries me is that I am at an economic moment of great uncertainty. I am living in a generously borrowed place. I am 53 years old and I have no home, it weighs me and I do not understand why I got to this situation. I don’t get along with money, I don’t know how to take care of it, save and it is hard for me to put a price on my job.
News: Your strengths?
Dutil: I do not give up easily. Although everything is dark, I try to see how good I have and hold on to that. I try for anxiety not to win and be connected to the present. It is a strength of mine, being present, and I am improving it every day. And I am a good person, I think I’m generous.
News: And its weak points?
Dutil: Insecurity. I am very insecure, I am my worst enemy, very severe with myself.
News: What are you afraid of?
Dutil: To insecurity in the street, being on the street alone at night is afraid. That nothing more, with the rest I am not fearful. I even recently threw myself for the first time.
News: Does it have a life purpose?
Dutil: Yes. I know I was a mother’s disaster, there are many things in which I was wrong and I would like them to be better now. At this stage, where I am much better and my children see me stop on my legs and happy, I would like to be able to maternize another way. When they were babies I was very present, but then not.
News: Why a disaster?
Dutil: Because my children lived very difficult things with me. Alcohol, a mother who tried to commit suicide, are wounds that are not going to heal. I would like you to affected them as little as possible, but I still feel blame.
News: Why did it fall into such a deep depression?
Dutil: In 2001 he was in a couple with Emanuel, Bautista was born, and for his work we went to live in Miami. My two older children stayed in Buenos Aires, that did not do me well, and everything started there. I knew that it wasn’t right, but I was going for life and continued and continued, and my depression was not diagnosed in time.
News: Didn’t sadness come before?
Dutil: I am cancer with a cancer moon. I am very dramatic, everything I suffer, of a lifetime. I had a fairly absent mother, who also had problems with alcohol and mental health. I think that also influenced, I had a difficult childhood.
News: When did the depression diagnose finally?
Dutil: In 2022, living in Buenos Aires. In the process I was with different psychiatrists, therapists and I was admitted twice in Miami and a third here.
News: He had three suicide attempts. Why do you think it reached that point?
Dutil: Depression takes away your will, empathy, you don’t care about the other. Not even my children cared. There are so many dark thoughts, don’t want to live. As soon as I opened my eyes in the morning, he said: “Again, start this day with this head that pursues me, that tortures me.” I didn’t wash my teeth, I didn’t bathe, I didn’t feel like moving. I spent months in bed, I just got up to buy alcohol when I was left alone at home. Depression takes your whole body when deep.
News: And when did it start with alcohol? In Miami?
Dutil: Yes, in Miami. It was like trying to anesthetize.
News: When did you start healing?
Dutil: The same, I’m alert, attentive because I feel that depression can return. I don’t know why. I started healing when the medication began to take effect. He returned the will, the desire to get up. I came from several therapists who had not given on the key with the treatments until a friend recommended me to psychiatrist Ana Rivera. I don’t know why I listened, because I listened to anyone, nothing they told me. Mine did, which was sleeping, being in bed all day. I called her and it was barbaric. A blessing to have found it. He saved my life.
News: Who were your support throughout this process?
Dutil: My children. Teo lives in Barcelona and Noah in Los Angeles, called me, spoke with me, sometimes they got angry. My younger children accompanied me a lot too. Julieta (Ortega), Guillermina (Valdés), another friend Florence, this friend Ignacio, who introduced me to the psychiatrist. The family, but my children mainly. They maternal their mother.
News: And his parents?
Dutil: I speak very occasionally, they live in La Plata, I don’t see them much. I don’t have much relationship. At a time I was very bad, I went to see them and told them what was happening to me. I cried a lot. It was a weekend, I asked them to go because I needed them to take care of me, and when my mother left me, “I came back when you’re better.” It hurt a lot. I wasn’t to tell me that and my mom, poor, couldn’t see it. So, I decided to take distance. I didn’t want more things to hurt me.
News: What taught suffering, pain?
Dutil: That nothing is as serious as I thought. Nothing that happened to me was so serious as not to want to live. I understood that I was sick and that this disease took everything and that that’s why I made bad decisions. I also understood that I was always very Susanita, I thought love was for a lifetime and it is not. There are love for a lifetime, but it didn’t touch me. The separation also helped me grow.
News: How are you doing today? Is it in treatment?
Dutil: I am not medicated at all, I thought I was not going to be able, because I took a lot of sleeping pills, I self -medicated, but I left everything. I have a very quiet life.
News: How is?
Dutil: As at half past eight o’clock at night I am already sleeping. I get up at six in the morning, I see dawn, I love it. I am living in a guest house in Pilar, with my cats. I’m single, I get very little. I work and I see my children as long as I can. I am also living friendship. I always focused too much on my family, in my partners, and I thought that could not be combined with friends. Yes, you can, and friendship is important.
News: What makes it feel good?
Dutil: I love music. The little things, the cute days, the rain too, there is nothing that does not make me happy at this time, except for bad news. After spending so much darkness I am enjoying everything.
News: Do you agree with the phrase “If it happens, it is convenient”?
Dutil: Yes. When we separated, Emanuel got very fast as a couple already hurt. It was my wounded ego. We should have separated seven years before and that he is in a relationship made us not be together again, because we were going and we came and it was always me who insisted that we tried once more. I appreciate that Emanuel has found Julieta (Prandi) because thanks to that we could separate.
News: Emanuel accompanied her in her process?
Dutil: From the first moment, even when we were already separated and being as a couple, he was always present. Today we have an excellent link, we get along very well.
News: You can leave, then
Dutil: If possible. Do not be afraid of mental illnesses. I do not feel bad for anything that happened to me because thanks to that today I am.
