By Jana Forster

    If the big dream of a little baby just won’t come true…

    The BZ just reported on the high prices in fertility clinics and above all that unmarried couples usually have to bear the high treatment costs completely alone, in contrast to married couples.

    Today the popular BZ column by sex counselor Jana Förster once again deals with the topic of unfulfilled desire to have children.

    ► A couple who wish to remain anonymous writes: “We (36/41) have been trying to have a baby for about three years. Now we have given up hope that it will work out naturally.

    My gynecologist recommended that we go to a fertility clinic. We’re a bit worried that we’re just a number there, our relationship will be more strained than it was when we were trying to have children and we don’t know exactly what to expect.

    Do you have any tips for the time ahead? What should we pay attention to? Are there any impending mistakes that we should absolutely avoid?

    Sex counselor Jana Förster answers: “The way to a fertility clinic is a very memorable and intensive time for couples. Mostly many cycles full of disappointments lie behind them.

    According to recent statistics, 85 percent of all women who stop using birth control become pregnant within the first year. However, 15 percent are confronted with the fact that a successful pregnancy does not occur. Many couples are then increasingly considering fertility treatment.

    The prospect of getting professional support and finally getting pregnant is a glimmer of hope that can be euphoric. Nevertheless, it is important to obtain detailed information and to prepare mentally for the time ahead.

    It is worth comparing different clinics and having non-binding discussions. You will experience intense minutes and experiences in these rooms with doctors and nurses. You should feel comfortable as a couple, your gut feeling will give you good advice.

    Not insignificant are the costs, which can vary between 4,000 and 5,000 euros per cycle, depending on the type of treatment and the amount of accompanying medication. In the case of married couples, this is covered in full or in part by the health insurance company under certain conditions.

    Not losing sight of the partnership during this time is extremely important. Because she can then experience very heavy loads.

    On the one hand, because hormone therapy side effects, agonizing waiting times, great tension and deep hope leave their mark and everyone deals with them differently. On the other hand, because the sexuality in the desire to have children usually took place for months according to the calendar and this very often still has an effect.

    The couples often have trouble enjoying a carefree time in bed together again. That’s why one thing is very elementary, especially during this time: benevolent communication. Be responsive to your partner’s current feelings and try not to project your own coping strategies onto your partner.

    Understanding and openness are required. Regardless of the outcome of the treatment, this will give you the opportunity for growth and development within the partnership.

    Either way, the hopefully successful end of this time will herald a whole new era in your relationship and prepare you for it. I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you.”

    3 tips for couples who want to have children

    1) communication: Be sure to stay in touch emotionally. The danger of closing yourself off and making up the experiences with yourself will come. Set aside enough time for this, perhaps also a regular ritual. Give the topic and the feelings space – of course, without talking them down.

    2) Sexuality: They are a couple on all levels. During this time, the sexual level often takes a back seat. Stay active in the design, because there is a lot of potential in sexuality to feel close and to be there for each other.

    3) Maintain relationship: Keep enjoying your relationship time, cultivating rituals, date nights, friendships, and planned distractions. Make a conscious decision not to talk about fertility treatment, otherwise this topic will quickly become the number one stress topic. The more active, the more balanced this time is.

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