My name was almost Harsevoort, says Mirjam Heek (43) from Rotterdam. When she was in her early twenties, she made an appointment with her best friend, Erwijn Harsevoort. If they had failed to find a mate before their thirties, they would marry and grow old together.
They attended the same primary school in Berkel en Rodenrijs and both grew up in a Reformed family, but only got to know each other as young students in Deventer. Erwijn (41): „On a camping weekend of the student association we baked pancakes together and it has been on ever since. We barely knew each other then, but in those few hours she saw through me in a way no one else had done before.”
They found recognition in each other’s childhood, which had not gone smoothly for both of them. “For that reason, we had both moved into rooms at a young age. Now we were going to make our own way, take the world by storm – that feeling.”
In her early twenties, in her dorm room, they made the appointment. They had come up with an age limit: around the age of 30 (she is slightly older than him). Children have not been mentioned. Erwijn: “It was about being together. Living together in a house and having fun. Until then, I had not been able to have a long relationship and I found it reassuring that I would be with someone anyway.” Mirjam: „We both felt pressure from the church, that you have to fit into a box when you don’t fit in. I had gone to church again over Christmas and everyone was walking in pairs except me.” She was afraid of not meeting the standard, she says. And to be left alone.
Just before that deadline, they walked past the city hall during Museum Night in Rotterdam. The doors to the wedding hall were open and an official was standing. The theme of this Museum Night was ‘love’ and you could ‘marry’ in the wedding hall. Erwijn was given a black hat, Mirjam a veil and a bunch of white roses. They plucked two witnesses from the street and made their vows to each other. Mirjam: „I gave him a kiss. And there were plastic rings. ‘Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Harsevoort!’, the official said as we left the room.”
In the meantime she knew that Erwijn liked men. In 2016, they both got married, to another. Erwijn: “In the same year, but not with each other.”
Mirjam: „If you ask me: will you still be with your partner in thirty years? Well, that’s the intention, but you never know. I know that Erwijn is still my best friend.”
A version of this article also appeared in the newspaper of September 24, 2022