John: “I get up at 7:00 am and am in the car at 7:30 am. Although I can do all my things in fifteen minutes. When I come back from work in the afternoon, I spread bread and throw it in the freezer. In the morning I eat yogurt quickly, I take a look good morning Netherlands and I leave.”
Ingrid: „He already has his clothes and stuff ready. He is a man of structure.”
John: “I like to use a system. I like that, yes.”
Ingrid: “I start work at 10 a.m. I have my own dance studio in Enschede. I go home around 4 pm. In the evening I usually give lessons again. I was a teenage mom so didn’t get to do a lot of studies. I also have two grandchildren. I had to give up everything when I was young. Now I like to do the things I want to do. I am very proud of myself. I just earn my money with my hobby. And my children have turned out well.”
John: „I have a technical background. I work as service level manager at an IT company.
Ingrid: “I usually only lie down for a while when he gets up, even if I don’t have to get up so early. Once I’m awake, I want to be productive, actually going to work right away.”
John: “We both have.”
First coffee date
John: “We got to know each other through a dating site, seven years ago. The spark didn’t fly right away or anything.”
Ingrid: “The first coffee appointment was really early in the morning, before work. Then we met for fifteen minutes at Almelo station.”
John: “I had a good impression. It was a little less for her. She was busy doing things in her mother’s house and I offered to help her. You don’t do that for nothing as a man.”
Ingrid: “When we met, I had just returned from the Arab Emirates, where I lived and worked. I came back and went back to live with my mother.”
John: „I like to tackle and I think I am handy. Watch a lot on YouTube how others do it and imitate it.”
Ingrid: “He likes different styles of music, different movies, different food. We are really polar opposites.”
John: “And I never lost anything. If that is the case, I will have a heart attack, then it will really be lost.”
Ingrid: “I often call him in a panic: oh, I’ve lost this! He is my safety net, has more overview than I do.”
John: „When you take my approach, you think: why doesn’t the rest of the world do it the same way? more systematically. I don’t think I learned to let go anymore because of Ingrid.”
Ingrid“Well, I think you’ve changed a lot. In the beginning I thought it was just military, now you are calmer about it.”
Friday night together
John: “We see each other for about an hour and a half a day, maybe a little longer.”
Ingrid: “It’s because of my job. I also give workshops on weekends. I don’t plan it all the way. So I’m not gone full-time.”
John: “If we had two evenings a week together, that would be nice. Now that’s only Friday night. You don’t have to spend every night together.”
Ingrid: „Then he can watch his own action films. And he still has a lot to do around and in the house, we just moved and he is busy with the renovation. I am not so satisfied with the division of work and leisure. I do want to change that and outsource more dance lessons, especially in the evenings. Also because my work is physically more difficult.”
John: “In terms of work, 40 hours is good for me. Soon I want 32 hours. When I retire, I don’t want to work zero hours either, 16 hours would be nice. You have to be a little useful in your life.”
Ingrid: “Yes, you have always worked.”
John: “I had part-time jobs from the age of fourteen. No regrets. And later on, like Ingrid, I lived abroad for work. England, Belgium and Germany.”
Ingrid: “I lived next to Dubai in Spain. I have always been adventurous and impulsive. My mother had that too, who came here from Suriname. The Netherlands has felt too small since I was six or seven years old. That won’t go away either. That’s why I work so hard now. I want to make sure my business is going well so I can sell it at some point. My goal is to continue living abroad.”
John: “I want that too. Different environment. New people. Surprising things. And a warmer climate. The latter is more for Ingrid.”
Ingrid: “I know that anywhere in the world you can build your life, your group of friends. I am not tied to the Netherlands.”
John: „I feel more Dutch than you. But apart from my two children, I have no connection with the Netherlands.”
Ingrid: “Yes, those are the most important. My children live far away in the Netherlands.”
John: “My children don’t live at home with us either.”
Ingrid: “They have their own lives. But we text and call a lot.”
John: “If everyone lived closer, there would be more physical contact. They also all get along, but they don’t see each other very much. We plan to go to Suriname next year with the whole group.”
Ingrid: „I was born there, but never came back. It really will be a reunion. My daughters want to get to know my roots. They want to know where I come from.”
In Rush Hour, couples and singles tell how they combine work and private life. Participate? Mail to [email protected]
A version of this article also appeared in the newspaper of 30 July 2022